Living With Your Parents = Epic Fail
Think about social networking sites. How many of you are “friends” with people whose continuing life or sudden death would impact your life in no other way than to change the number of “friends” you have on FaceBook, MySpace, etc?
I am FaceBook “friends” with a number of people from highschool, some of whom were little better than acquaintances. I accept their friend request only because I am curious about what they’re up to – and that, mostly because I want to see how I’m measuring up to the rest of my graduating class. My online friends and I got the same education, almost all went to college, our families all have comparable levels of income, etc. So I figure it’s a pretty even bar from which to compare.
I am shocked at how many of my former friends still live in their parents’ basements. Shocked.
I have only one analysis of anyone who does not move out of their parents’ house at the earliest possible opportunity: epic fail.
By and large, these are people who majored in something ridiculous like English or Political Science or the 1990’s favorite “Communications” and as a result cannot get a job that pays enough even to finance a meager home of their own.
Some of them, though, have masters degrees in engineering. One of them even has the same degree that I do, from the same school as a coworker of mine who holds the same position in our company, except that he has a masters in it also. He still lives at home!
What a failure! His girlfriend lives in Manhattan, by the way. $10 says that doesn’t last.
There is no such thing as a good reason to live with your parents. I don’t care if you’re 18, 28, or 60. Here is the short list of reasons why this is a retarded pracitce for men:
- Total and abject emasculation. If a man lives with his parents, other men immediately fail to take him seriously in any way. If he can’t even function as an independent adult, he obviously has a large variety of other major problems and therefore, his opinions on any matter are instantly and unequivocally void and disqualified for any real consideration.
- Total and abject emasculation. If a man lives with his parents, it means that his parents still have authority over him (or, his parents are beta chumps who let him have the run of their house, which leads me to believe in like father, like son, which is equally damning).
- Stunted adult growth. There is no substitute for living in the real world without the safety net of always having a roof over your head. After living on your own to a living standard that would be considered acceptable for an adult man, the cloud of possibility that delinquency on your mortgage or rent payments will leave you literally living in your car, or worse. In most cases, we know that we could always stay with family in that event rather than sleep in a car, but after living on my own, I would sooner cut off my own balls with a dull spoon then come crawling back to my mommy and daddy to cover my ass after a total, abject, epic fail such as that.
- Guaranteed beta status. You can’t be an alpha male when you aren’t even king of your own castle. No matter how smooth and suave your are with the ladies, they, including your own girlfriend if you somehow manage to have one, will always cringe when they say, “yeah, he still lives with his parents.” It’s as embarassing for them as it should be for you, and it’s a major minus in the attractiveness column. If all you’re looking for is pumping and dumping you can get away with it, but LTRs? Forget it – especially if she has her own place.
- High likelihood of becoming “tolerant”. Men who live with their parents try to cover for their own epic failures by becoming accepting of others and adopting a pussified worldview of relatives and understanding. This allows these men to tout their own abject failures without categorizing them as failures. In order to maintain self consistency, it necessarily requires them to look at the failures of all those around them and forgive them as he hopes other men will forgive his. Sorry chump, it doesn’t work that way, and it just makes you look like an even bigger pussy.
- Your life becomes a parade of excuses. One after the other. I’ll get to them to those next, but first…
Here are the reasons you shouldn’t live with your parents as a girl:
- Men are not attracted to girls who live under their fathers’ roofs. Trying to date, or worse, pump-and-dump a girl who lives with her parents, especially her father, is like storming an impregnable fortress on your mighty steed, throwing the damsel wench over your shoulder like a conquering viking, and dragging her out over the drawbridge so you can have you way with her. The obstacles of dealing with a woman who lives at home are many. They include things like requiring parental approval from day 1, constantly interacting with them every time you are attempting to take their daugher somewhere so you can shag her relentlessly, never being able to fuck her at her place, never being able to get a quickie on the front porch, but most of all, regressing to highschool-style dating into your 20’s. Screw that.
Here is a list of the excuses that dipshits who live with their parents routinely make (and firmly believe). Sorry dipshits, we adults do not believe any of them.
- I’m saving money for my own place. Right. I already have my own place. I didn’t have to live with my parents to get one. Why do you? People are “saving money for their own place” sometimes into their 30’s. Here’s a newsflash for you: saving an extra $20,000 for a bigger down payment on a house that you can only live in 5 or 10 years down the road is not worth the 5 or 10 years of living with your parents in a basement. Time is your most precious commodity. It is better to live in a run-down, rat-infested $400/mo apartment and buy the house at 28 than it is to live in an upscale white suburb for 0$/mo and buy the house at 26. Living in your car is preferable. You know why? Because it proves you have a pair. Grow one and move out.
- It’s too expensive for someone my age where I live. Then move. That excuse is bullshit anyway. When I was fresh out of college I was able to live comfortably in one of the priciest real estate markets in the nation without breaking a sweat. There is always an affordable place. Ever hear of subsidized housing? If you have a college degree, unless you’re a total douchebag, you can easily get a job that will afford you basic housing. This excuse is so easy to tear down because it is not based in reality and easily refuted with 10 seconds worth of google fact searching.
- All my friends live around here. Make new friends. Find a place near your parents. Find a place 40 miles away and drive more.
- I want to be near my parents because I <3 them. Find a place near your parents. Find a place 40 miles away and drive more.
- I like being pampered as if I’m an irresponsible immature little child well into my adulthood. Okay, this is usually phrased, “My mom cooks and cleans for me, you can’t beat that kind of service!” Adult males interpret this phrase as, “I can’t take care of myself because I never grew up. I fail at life.”
- My parents want me to live with them. Usually uttered by girls. So what? You’re 22. Make your own decisions. Live your own life. I did what my parents wanted without question until the last tuition check cleared. Every request after that was accomodated because they still haven’t squandered all of my inheritance and one day I might want it. Just kidding, I like my parents and they are reasonable people. We get along.
- I’m just here until I find a job/place. That works for about 2 months. Beyond that, one begins to question why it is you still haven’t found said job or said place. Is it because you’re full of shit?
- I’m writing a novel. Give me a fucking break. Seriously? Are you seriously going to tell me that’s why you’re living with your parents? Because you’re trying to become a novelist? Pipe fucking dream. Get over it. You know how many people try to write novels and fail each year? Thousands, becuase it’s a bullshit do-nothing “career” that usually boils down to a cover for laziness or for not wanting to work for a telemarketing company because you majored in something dumb like English. In order to be a successful novelist you need to have some life experiences so your ideas can mean something, and you aren’t likely to get that playing Wii with your highschool friends in your mom’s basement at 24. The “writing a novel” excuse is such a stupid sham. For 99% of the people who say they do this, they end up never even writing the novel, much less getting it published, much less making a dime on it. They finally wake up 10 years later and realize, “shit, I wasted my time.” Too late, retard. Enjoy that telemarketing job and settling on fatties from eHarmony.
There is exactly one situation in which it is okay to live with your parents, and even this situation is highly undesirable, but understandable and perfectly excusable:
- Your elderly parents are disabled and/or terminally ill and can no longer take care of themselves. They took care of you; you should return the favor. Sucks, but that’s life.
The truth is that the people who still live with their parents into their 20’s and beyond are usually doing so because they have epicly failed in some manner. The standard epic fail is lack of gainful employment coupled by standards that preclude the failure’s willingness to live in sub-upper-middle-class environs. This lack of gainful employment can be attributed to a variety of personality defects, the most common is laziness. The second most common was the choice to major in something fucking stupid and then be unabe to get a job that is glamorous enough for you.
The bottom line is that if you live with your parents post-graduation, you are an epic failure.
I can picture the stock responses from basement dwelling alsorans along these lines: “you’re close minded” or “you are stereotyping” or “you don’t know my situation” or any number of dumb excuses that don’t address a single one of these points because these points are unadressable. Their truth is known to everyone including you but admitting it to yourself or *gasp* openly would knock you one rung even lower than you already are for living with your parents in your 20’s, and that should inspire suicide in any man with testicles. Aynway, enjoy your vapid existence, troglodyte.
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I agree with most of your points. However, I do not plan to move out of my parent’s house as soon as I graduate. For one thing, I have an asian upbringing, which means I don’t really mind living with them for a while.
But I still think it would be pathetic to be living with my parents at the age of 30… Which is kind of sad, considering I won’t get out of university until I’m around 26, or 28.
I hadn’t really considered the asian/indian/latin american situation when I wrote this post. Most non-American/European cultures have different expectations when it comes to parents. I dated an indian girl for a long time and one of the biggest problems I had with any future with her was her non-negotiable opinion that she would finance her parents’ retirement via them living with her.
I also wrote this post from a distinctively male point of view. I don’t think it’s a character flaw for women to live with their parents for a while post-graduation, but I do think it harms their prospects and they’d probably have a lot more fun on their own. But then again, I’m a man, so what do I know?
But yeah, once you’re out of college/grad school there’s really no excuse.
You didn’t really consider other points of view or cultural references when writing this post. That’s just shocking, really.
I can think of an excuse, such as 80,000 dollars in student loan debt.
I guess that’s just frivolous though. Those faggoty college grads should pick themselves up by their bootstraps and get a 50K job with complete benefits right out of school, otherwise they’re worthless.
Your ignorance is only outpaced by your astounding lack of empathy.
If you had spent $80,000 on something that would enable you to get a 50k job with complete benefits right out of school, you wouldn’t have failed. It’s not that hard. In fact, my cousin’s girlfriend just landed a 60k job with full benefits at IBM with a degree in English.
Imagine that!
“I can picture the stock responses from basement dwelling alsorans along these lines: “you’re close minded” or “you are stereotyping” or “you don’t know my situation” or any number of dumb excuses that don’t address a single one of these points because these points are unadressable.”
QED.
If your adult child lives with you and you do a lick of housework or any of your own shopping, your epic failure only goes unnoticed because we are epically failing as a society.
I’m from Finland and I moved to my own apartment when I was 20, just like most people around here.
However, I remember well when I was once working in Brazil when I was 24 years old. Brazilians were asking me if I don’t like my parents because I don’t live with them. There it was totally normal to live with your parents until you get married.
Yes, what others said. Your post makes sense only from a particular cultural viewpoint, namely modern (male) American. Not so long ago it was common for Americans to live with parents until marriage, and still is in plenty of other countries. If it’s cool with the parents and cool with the kid, who cares what anyone else thinks?
I’m a bit of an expert on this subject, and I can say yes, living with the folks is clearly an epic fail. After supporting myself for a couple years in a menial job, I decided two months ago to move back in with the fam for a bit, since my roommate is moving in with his fiance and I’ll be heading to a new city this year. Doesn’t sound THAT bad, right? Well, I’m not even out of my apartment yet and my girlfriend of two years is already gone. Epic fail.
Actually, I started to think if there is correlation between countries with low divorce rates and living with your parents until marriage? If you have never lived alone, maybe getting divorced is more difficult?
I lived with my parents for around 8 months post college to save money to buy an apartment. It sucked. I bought an apartment and moved. Epic fail? Nah, I don’t think so.
Saying you’re saving to buy a place as an excuse is epic fail. Actually doing it isn’t.
Letting a random blogger tell you what to do and what is right = epic fail.
I was thrown out by my parents at 15. I’m jealous about losers living in their parents’ basement.
I don’t get it. What exactly are you pointing out here? People who have no money and no good job, and who live with their parents, are failures?
Wow, took a lot of thinking to figure that one out? How about “women with barren wombs who cannot have children are epic failures.” Your entire post is just mean-spirited salt-rubbing.
I think the reasoning behind this post is, you resent people who are living with their parents at an accelerated age, and yet enjoying life. They really are saving a fuckton of money this way, and when they leave the nest, they’ll have the privilege of having a nice down payment for their own property.
I can certainly understand that, having bought my own place at 26, way before any of my friends, and having a 31-year-old loser brother who still lives at home. Make no mistake: he is a failure. He doesn’t do his own laundry and wouldn’t know how to microwave dinner. But he’s also suffered severe depression since he was 15 and if he didn’t have mom and dad to take care of him, would either be living off government assistance or dead by his own hand.
Make no mistake, however: I live in a tiny bachelor and would love to upgrade. And if I had the opportunity to live somewhere for free while in between selling and buying a place with more than one friggin’ room, I would totally take back my old bedroom for a few months. Great food, a quiet suburban setting, and mom folding my laundry? Shee-it. It may turn me into a pussy, but it would be a hell of a break. Plus, my parents love me…and need me to help fix their computer problems.
I have another dreaded “excuse” for you: Let’s say you’re starting your own business, and it’s a little risky, but a year rent-free with mom and dad will ensure you can get it up and running and then repay them for their kindness once the profits roll in. My business partner is doing it right now, and I have to say, it’s responsible for the life of this project.
I sold my own poop on Ebay so I would not have to live with my parents.
Well, I sold most of it, but some I eated.
“I don’t get it. What exactly are you pointing out here? People who have no money and no good job, and who live with their parents, are failures?”
Why yes, Skippy, that’s exactly what I was pointing out. You must have made the critical reading part of the SATs your bitch. 800 verbal?
On to more important matters – How about “women with barren wombs who cannot have children are epic failures.”
Yes, as a matter of fact, let’s talk about them. Here’s where we do a little exercise called analogies. They’re a little harder. You tried one, but it didn’t work. I’ll frame it using the take-home message of my brilliant blog post in a matter that even you might be able to complete:
Making poor choices (and a lot of excuses) is to people who live with their parents post-education (a.ka. epic failures) as ____________ is to barren women.
a) Being born with parts that don’t work
b) Stabbing one’s self in the vagina until it breaks
If you guessed a), you’re an idiot.
Skippy, trying to compare a condition that for the vast majority of the afflicted was determined at birth entirely independent of any choices the afflicted made with a situation that is entirely and objectively based on choices leaves to me to wonder how you were able to write your own name on all the closing contracts for your “place”.
I don’t resent the people who are living with their parents at an “accelerated” age. I would use the word “decelerated”, first of all, since living with your parents simply delays your childhood and voids you of any adult responsibility. Is there an echo here? I think I made that pretty clear as one of my chief complaints.
I don’t resent these schmucks, I pity them. They are retarded, in the classic sense of the word. Retarded, like your brother. No surprise, no sooner did you admit that he both lives with his parents and is a failure did you make an excuse for him.
There is no excuse. Maybe he wouldn’t be depressed if he lived on his own and took responsibility for himself instead of feeling like he can’t even take care of himself at the age of 31.
I would also suggest to your friend that if he can’t get together the savings to carry his rent for a year he probably shouldn’t be starting a business. Does his business happen to be a form of publishing? A budding novelist, perhaps?
You get my point, and I stand by it. Excuses are worthless, and living with your parents is an epic failure.
Please take some time to educate yourself about depression. I have had it for almost 30 years, and it’s not something you can cure by moving out on your own.
Severe depression and bipolar depression are neurological in nature. They are caused by chemical imbalances within your serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters. This is why some of the most effective treaments are anti-seizure meds like Lamictal or, in very severe cases, electroshock therapy.
Neurologically, brain patterns of someone with bipolar depression look very similar to an epileptic’s. I hardly think that even you would tell an epileptic he would get better if he lived on his own.
Both my father and, to a lesser extent, my sister, suffered from depression. According to my father he spent nearly a decade smoking 3 packs a day just to get by.
I went through a brief bout of depression during college when I came to the Fight Club conclusion that life basically sucks, so why should I bother? I frequently had suicidal thoughts. I am positive that had I gone to a psychiatrist interested in curing me, I would have been diagnosed with depression and prescribed some form of state-altering placebo like the ones I presume you probably take.
Instead, I came to another conclusion: depression was a fake illness and could easily be overcome by a little willpower. “Boo hoo, poor fucking me, I’m so sad, I’m so depressed.” Just ignore those voices in your head and your problem is solved. You should try it. I bet it will work better than your pills.
On second thought, Kim, parroting scientific sounding terms like “neurotransmitter” and “dopamine” and convincing yourself that it’s a physiological problem that you can’t overcome merely by changing your attitude prevents you from having to try. It also gives you an excuse to mope around all day and elicit sympathy and dodge responsibilities. Isn’t science great?
Depression. Autism. ADD. Nonsense, bullshit conditions that don’t actually exist. Doctors, especially psychiatrists and psychologists, and even more especially pharmacists are in business to sell cures to illnesses. If they can invent a demand by publishing dubious studies, inventing dubious conditions, and making dubious diagnoses to sell services, they get rich.
If you think medical doctors and scientists are above that behavior, you’ve got a lot of learning to do. Meanwhile, stop bitching about your depression and do something about it.
I like to take a shit on depressives! It makes them feel better!
Evan,
I just revisited this post. Despite the flame-baiting on your part, I’ll respond to a couple of your “comebacks.”
First off, based on my perception of your attitude, you come across as someone who suffers from some form of depression. Maybe a mild version thereof, since you claim you were able to overcome it through a mere attitude adjustment, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that part of the reason you lash out at random people is because there’s something physiologically lacking in your brain.
I’m not saying this to be insulting. But stepping back for a second, making the ludicrous catch-all claim that severe depression and other psychological illnesses simply “don’t exist” is absurd, and it essentially invalidates everything you’ve said previously. Kim’s post was perfectly legitimate. Saying that she’s “parroting scientific-sounding terms” such as “neurotransmitter,” and using this as a jump-off point to pooh-pooh her argument is incredibly stupid. However, you seem like a smart enough guy, so I’ll excuse your ridiculous statement as the desperate flailings of someone confronted with reality that contradicts your ugly, pseudo-Darwinian worldview. Those aren’t “scientific-sounding” terms, they’re actual, well-known scientific terms to describe phenomena that aren’t controversial to even the most skeptical minds out there. Even yours. Let’s be honest here.
In any case, to address your points:
- I’ve never taken an SAT test, as I’m Canadian. I did score very highly on reading comprehension back in Grade 9, if you must know. Don’t worry, I understood exactly what you were saying in your essay, but I was pointing out that it’s nothing but a nasty taunt-ology (I just made that up): “People who are failures…are FAILURES! Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah!” That’s the kind of statement a smarmy, not-too-intelligent prick might make. But I know you can rise above that someday, Evan.
- I’m not making “excuses” for my brother, I’m explaining why he’s in the situation that he’s in. That simple. I have no doubt that he ought to pull himself up by the bootstraps and get out on his own someday. I’ve encouraged it for years. He feels he’s not ready yet, as do my parents and his shrink. So he’s going to stay in his rut.
In any case, I have to your phobia of “excuses” is inane. Normally, because people don’t ascribe value judgments to things they have no knowledge of, or personal investments in, an explanation is equivalent to an excuse, and vise versa. In other words, reasonable individuals accept people’s explanations for why they do things, without using it as a springboard for a personal attack.
Finally, my friends is not a novelist. We’ve created an online role-playing game, which I actually think you’d enjoy, but I’m not going to advertise things here. Email me if you want to talk further.
Cheers,
Skippy
Mind over matter, Skippy. Mind over matter.
I am not insinuating that neurotransmitters and dopamine do not exist. Rather, I am illustrating the simple fact that the people who attempt to explain why they are failing at life by using medical terms they heard about in those squiggly white ball commercials generally have no comprehension what a neurotransmitter is or what dopamine does. They just listened to what their doctor told them, nodded their head, and ran off to tell everyone who would listen that they have a “chemical imbalance in their brains” and that’s why they haven’t done anything in the last two decades.
I can’t believe that a brilliant Canadian such as yourself, privy to what every Canadian assures me is the greatest educational system on the planet, does not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation. Let me enlighten you:
explanation (n)
something that explains; a statement made to clarify something and make it understandable; exposition: an explanation of a poem.
excuse (n)
an explanation offered as a reason for being excused; a plea offered in extenuation of a fault or for release from an obligation, promise, etc.: His excuse for being late was unacceptable.
Do you see the difference here Skippy? The operative difference here is this phrase: a plea offered in an extenuation of a fault. The difference between an explanation and an excuse, Skippy, is that an excuse is an explanation for a fault.
I am a reasonable person and I accept all kinds of explanations from all kinds of people for all kinds of somethings, but I very rarely accept an excuse without the precondition of a blanket admission of failure first. Such an admission is the first step to correcting the fault.
The point of this post was not to randomly insult people (I had a few specific individuals in mind, mostly former high school friends). The point of this post was to enlighten anyone who is reading this and may live with their parents as adults that they have failed at life. Because I believe this, any explanation given is automatically categorized as an excuse.
Of course, you’ll probably just write this view off as “inane” and attribute it to some character flaw that I have (such as I must be a “prick”). You might even imagine in your mind that I must be stupid. All of these things must be true because my view differs from yours and you couldn’t possibly be wrong, right?
I believe I did a reasonable job supporting my position with arguments other than ad hominem assertions about the character of the debater, although I did sprinkle several in because the debaters, like yourself, make it too easy.
The only excuse that holds any water is “I’m bumming rent off my parents to save money for…” but as I’ve argued, I have problems even with that line of argument because in my humble opinion, 22 years is long enough.
As for you and your friend, Skippy, I would recommend writing. You have a better chance of making money on the novel.
Evan,
Thanks for the explanation. You’ve made yourself quite a bit clearer, and I attribute it partly to your avoidance of major ad hominems. Even though I’m sure you’d like to come across as “edgy,” I think you’ll find people will generally find your arguments more compelling when you stick to this formula. I freely admit I took the bait, and I’m a bit embarrassed about it.
I still think you’re being a bit hard on these Boomerang Kids and could afford to cut them a bit of slack. At 22 years old, many people are just graduating university. I wouldn’t begrudge them the chance to pay off their massive student debts, and if they’re not in debt, let them build up a small nest egg — or better yet, go out and see the world for a few months.
I also still think that it’s worth noting that a person living with their parent or parents (as is the case with my friend and business partner) could very possibly be considered a non-failure in most other aspects of their life (relationships, health, even finance. You might argue that the rest is nullified by dint of their temporary living arrangement. That, to me, seems contradictory. A “failure” (an “epic” failure at that) would probably be considered unsuccessful in every facet of his or her life.
I guess it comes down to sympathy. Mocking one’s “plea” to understand and accept their faults — and I’m pretty sure we all have faults — is merely cruel. Now, cruelty can be fun, especially when it’s done semi-anonymously over the web, but it’s not a great starting point for a lifelong philosophy. Of course, it’s not a matter of right or wrong here. It’s a matter of outlook. I accept that you have a differing worldview, I just feel it seems fueled more by anger and resentfulness than logic.
Finally, I am a writer by trade. Right now, and you’ll have to trust me on this, the money’s definitely in gaming.
So what about a person with these attributes? Are they an epic fail also?
1. lives with their parents at the age of 27
2. gets along fine with their parents
3. lives in a good size house that can comfortably fit 6 people but now only has 3 including the 27 year old.
4. has the whole downstairs of the house to themself which includes 6 rooms.
4. both parents and young adult child all have excellent health and are all pretty well rounded.
5. cooks often
6. pays their share of the expenses
7. has a brand new 2007 car that was paid for all at once with their own money and does all the regular maintenence on it themself.
8. has a considerable amount of money saved in investments.
8. has a steady job doing manual labor and is considered in the top 5% of the companies 200 workers
9. Is titled the “wellness expert” at place of employment due to overall health/lack of sick days/work ethic/and importance to company.
10. has absolutely no debts whatsoever.
11. does their share of the housework
12. does their own laundry
13. just recently lent a friend a considerable amount of money to help that friend get back up on their feet after some hard times the friend had gone through and gave the friend more then enough time to pay it back even though it was possible the friend could never pay it back.
14. regularly mows the lawn, trims the bushes, rakes the leaves, shovels the snow.
15. regularly helps friends and family with computer trouble because of their good computer literacy
16. and on and on and on
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Is that person an epic fail because they live a good healthy well rounded life in the same building as the people that brought them into this world? You dealt the omnipotent card and claimed that you aren’t stereotyping and that there cant possible be any exceptions to your world view, but how is what you said any different then saying that someone that lives in a small house can’t possibly have that much money? Well how do you know that person doesnt have a ton of money saved up? How do you know that person doesn’t have a large summer home in Malibu? Instead of viewing a part of somebodies life and automatically assuming they are a failure because of it, you should add together all the things that make up the persons life and then make that decision. Oh that person is short so they can’t possible be good at basketball, or, that person drives a BMW so they must be rich. Both are true alot of the time but there are plenty of good short players in the NBA and their are plenty of people who own expensive cars that are in debt up to their ears.
sorry I know my post is about a month after the most recent post and I meant to include that in my original post but I accidently close the page, thankfully copying the text before I did though
If all of these things were true about a person, then the only question left is what is the cause of the dysfunction in said individual that makes him want to stay in the nest instead of striking out on his own like all grown men who haven’t failed usually can’t wait to do.
I would describe the situation you just described is all dressed up with nowhere to go. If that’s the portfolio you’re sitting on, why aren’t you living in your own house with your wife and children? Why aren’t you functioning like an adult?
What makes it a dysfunction? Your claiming that the place of residence comes first and then the persons mental state is affected negatively, rather then saying that the person was good for nothing first and then the decision to state with the parents followed. Why have we become so focused on an order of events in a persons life that if these events did not occur or did not occur in a specific order then there is something wrong with that person? Yes that person is me and I happen to think my mental state, health, and overall well-being is better then a majority of people out there. I live in a house with well balanced parents with plenty of room for us all to live comfortably with room to spare. A place to live is a place to live and if it works out for all the people involved then whats the problem? Maybe I’m an exception to your rules. Maybe a majority of young adults that stay with their parents end up becoming very lazy and good for nothing, but don’t you think they may have just happened to have that state of mind prior to deciding to stay with their parents? Living in a house that has the mortgage paid for and expenses are split between 3 people allows me to have more free time to do things that I like to do. I’m sure with the way the economy is going now you are going to see a much higher percentage of young people staying with or moving back in to their parents house, alot of them will be bringing kids in with them.
There are too many houses out there right now that are way oversized and have only half or less of its capacity of people living in it. A bit wasteful dont you think? Now, yes I can agree that if a young adult was living with the parents and they didnt get along, or the living conditions were a bit cramped, or they didnt do their part around the house or they had a serious girlfriend/wife/kids, then yes they should be seriously looking at a place of their own. For me though I don’t have a wife or kids or even a girlfriend. Am I gay? No far from, I love woman, I think they are incredibly beautiful and great to be around, but I don’t and never have desired to have a serious relationship with a girl. There are several great girls that I know and have met in the past that I could have gotten into something serious with but the desire was never there. Being single has always felt more right for me as I have never felt like there was a lack of companionship in my life. Will that change in the future? Will I eventually start a serious relationship? Maybe, maybe not. Until then though I am happy with my life. I personally think there is too much crap going on in the world, some of which we know and even more of which we dont know and I think it’s very important to keep your life as simple as possible to give yourself a fighting chance against these things. People have been brainwashed into thinking that you have to go on a set path of school, job, house, marriage, kids etc. I have no desire to become one of those zombie lemmings that go throughout life like one of those show horses that have blinders on giving them tunnel vision. Many people don’t have the time or the care to step back, take a deep breathe, and really analyze the world around them. Stopping to smell the roses if you will. The free time that I have had has given me time to research topics that I wouldnt normally have had time to like the condition of our health care, the quality of the food we eat, the physcology behind racial hate and other vaious topics whenever they pop into my head. The most important thing in a persons life is to be happy while having some positive impact on others and as little negative impact as possible. If you can live your life this way, then complaining that somebody lives with their parents as a young adult seems rather petty of a complaint to me.
Sounds to me like you fit into a specific class of person that I’ve written about before. I call them rebel parasites but not merely for the sake of derision.
A rebel parasite is a person (typically a young man) who watches too much Fight Club and bitches and moans about how life is boring. “I’m not a cubicle slave!” “I march to the beat of my own drummer!” I’m not a “zombie lemming!”
Right. Of course you aren’t. There’s only one problem. Every single person I have ever encountered – either online or in real life – who broadcasts this bullshit always depends upon someone who fits this description. Always.
And in 99% of cases, its their parents, the reason for which is obvious – no other human being would put up with this bullshit. In other words – it’s good enough for my father to be a zombie lemming and waste his life doing what everyone else does, but not good enough for me. Oh, but by the way, I exist because he followed that prescribed existence (wife, children) and I live in the house he provided.
That’s the problem with guys like you. You want to stop and smell the roses but guess what, jack ass? Someone has to pay the bills.
“Oh, but I pay my fair share of the expenses!” Yeah, fine. I’m sure you do. Who are you trying to kid?
There are two kinds of people in the world – givers and takers. Your father is a giver. You, sir, are a taker. And that’s why you’re an epic fail.
Since you use all the luxury free time provided to you by avoiding all adult responsibility, I want you to spend some time thinking long & hard about this: if everyone behaved like you did, how long would it take for society to collapse?
People like me and your father are holding up society and you’re just along for the ride, and there is absolutely no excuse except that you just don’t feel the need to contribute.
Sometimes I really hate this country. We make it too easy for people like you.
What is it about this topic that has gotten you so fired up? I have met a few people in the last few years that have had a similar view to yours and from what I have seen, those people that come from a good well-rounded family will either never mention the topic or will just lend some advice about why they prefer moving out sooner rather then later. The people who have families with alot of issues both present and past are aggressive with the conversation and talk about how they are so happy to get away from their parents and would never consider moving back in for any reason. It feels as though you are more like the second group of people. I’m not saying that the lives of you and your family both present and past have been quite shaky, but I can’t help but think that there have been alot of very trying times that have made you into a more aggressive and anger filled person. For me and my family our lives have been pretty smooth sailing. Relatives not dying until very old age, no problems with alcohol or drugs, family members all got along and loved each other, innocent humor always kept in the equation, very little if any materialism etc. etc. Listen I’m not saying there is nothing in my life that doesnt need improvement and that I’m in any way better then you, but don’t for a minute think that you’re the pinnacle of success either.
Mmm, good tactic. Rather than actually respond to any substance, you instead insinuate that I must be an angry person. Not surprising.
First, I haven’t said anything at all about my family or my background, so any claims you make about either is wild speculation, and it’s rooted in vain grasping at any reason whatsoever to discout anything I might say. “Oh, he’s only saying that because his family life sucked, so of course he wanted to leave his parents! This must be why he’s bitter!!”
Not that it’s any business of yours, Andy, but as a matter of fact, my family life was exactly as you describe yours. My parents live in a lovely upper middle class white suburban neighborhood in New Jersey in a house about twice the size of mine.
Am I angry? Yes, I’m angry about an entire generation of young adults who apparently seem to think that continuing society is a responsibility they, by virtue of nothing more than a thought drifting through their heads, somehow do not have. I vent this frustration by describing adults who believe it is acceptable to stay in their parents’ home well past the time when, were they birds they would have either flown or plummeted to their deaths, as epic failures on the internet.
I am the pinnacle of success, Andy. I am doing everything right. I am living what everyone describes as the “American dream” and laments even when they themselves are doing all of nothing to actively pursue it, becuase living in their parents’ basement is more convenient, less expensive, and risk-free.
But if it makes you feel better to reduce my stature to yours in your mind only, go ahead. After all, anyone who lives with their parents is obviously accustomed to the path of least resistance already. Changing course is so hard.
been reading your past blogs and you strike me as a pretty intelligent guy. You seem to be passionate about alot of topics that most people couldnt give the time of day for. I agree with alot of the stuff you talk about, but trying to express conflicting opinions on someones personal blogging site is were I went wrong. Most people don’t write blogs so they can get differing opinions on the topic and maybe learn from it. They write the blogs assuming they are right from the start because a blog is their personal space and people like being right in that space. A personal blog is a place for them to vent, a place for them to be “king”. I don’t like it when people come into my space and disagree with me and neither do you. Like I said, from reading your blogs you and I have alot of agreements with things we see going on around us we just have the differing opinion that living with your parents guarantees your a complete failure.
If I didn’t want dissent I would just disable comments or delete them. I leave every comment that isn’t obviously spam on the blog no matter how derogatory of me it is because doing anything else is the ultimate in douchebaggery. If there is one principle that guides my every action it is that hypocrisy is the greatest of sins, and therefore so too is a correlary: if you can dish it out, you better be able to take it.
Dear Blogger,
I’m afraid that I must completely agree with you. I still live with my parents and I feel like an epic failure. No, I AM an epic failure. Your blog confirms my own suspicions about myself. Is there any hope for me? or should I help to rid the world of another useless parasitic human being and finally take my own life? I’ve been pondering this a while and your post that I just happened across while wasting my pathetic existence by surfing the internet on my parents’ computer hits an all too familiar feeling of uselessness within me. Tonight might be the final night that I waste another moment of the worlds’ time. Thank you for helping me with my decision. May others like you prosper and others like myself find a similar and well-deserving end. Thank you.
You’re welcome, Dave.
But you shouldn’t kill yourself. You should just move out. It’s not hard. Have you considered the nearest subway tunnel? I hear those are very comfortable in the winter. You’re not addicted to cocaine, are you, Dave? Because if you aren’t, you’ll cut quite a swath through the competition for what’s left in the trash cans after dark in the nearest rail station. You might have to tolerate some untoward company, but at least you’ll have your dignity.
Cheers,
Evan
This is very late, but Andy, if you were actually so content in your current situation you wouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself on an online blog. You have lots of arguments about how logical it is to live that way, but do you honestly want to live your life never knowing what YOU can do? To me, that’s the point of life and procreation. You should want to branch out.
I didn’t understand all the hating on English majors though. What was up with that?
Majoring in English is like majoring in walking and chewing gum at the same time. Not only is it easy – as evidenced by the enormous number of them churned out year after year – it is generally useless. You need to go to college to learn how to write? Or read? Really?
Every English class I ever attended at the university level (all of which were involuntarily attended, I would add) boiled down to a tributary circle jerk to a half-wit work by a half-wit author. By the tiem I was done listening to a group of girls discuss “themes” in Jane Eyre my scalp was bleeding. What a waste of time. Talking about a theme in a work of fiction has never, ever produced a single iota of worth to anyone or anything. It certainly has never nor will ever produce any kind of wealth. It is a total masturbatory waste of time.
Also, once you graduate with a degree in English, your earning potential is only marginally increased because you can at least (in theory) get interviews at Bachelor’s-only corporations. But who would hire an English major?
Well, what is a good subject to major in? One that I could actually get a job doing after graduation? I am starting college but do not know what to do and one thing is for sure, I do not want to be an “epic fail.”
come on people how can you argue with the author. if you don’t make the same decisions and live you’re life the same way he did you are a failure at life. Obviously this must be true because some insignificant anonymous little shit on the internet with a blog says so. after reading this the author seems like one of those douche bag alpha male types that likes to make fun of homeless people instead of helping them. Lets see how he feels about living at home when he looses his job just like a lot of other people have in the recession and has nowhere to go.
and clearly he must also be a medical expert on depression. He clearly knows the real cure to depression. According to him all you have to do to cure depression is to just stop being all sad, get over it go out and get a job and move out. why didn’t I think about that. I am well in to my 20’s and I live at my moms house. As for the people just don’t move out because they are lazy and they don’t want to deal adult responsibilities. that is such a bullshit general statement. I have a job I pay rent,cellphone,car insurance, car payment, and credit card bill. I also attend college. I believe that anyone living at home past 18 and not paying rent is a sorry excuse for a human even if you are saving money for a place of your own you still need to contribute if you are going to live there. when ever people make statements about people that live at home all they are really doing is painting an image of the kind of person they are. When guys like the author make such a statement they sound like a douche bag alpha male type and when a women says they will never date a guy just because he lives at his moms house they just look like gold digging attention whores who couldn’t stand not being able to live off a man. Anyway how is the cancer that is the human race supposed to be able to spread if people stay living at home. As far as the so called points you try to make..
1.Total and abject emasculation. This one is only true for asshole people like you
2. Total and abject emasculation. yeah this might be true for you, but I do what I want and come and go as I please I am my own person my parents realize I a am an adult and if I were to go on some week long road trip yeah I would let my mom know where I am going, but only as a courtesy be I wouldn’t want her to worry. this however might have been true for you because maybe your parents are controlling power hungry assholes.
3.Stunted adult growth. this too is full of shit. I have bills that have to be paid. I would loose my car if I make my car payment. I would loose my cellphone service if I didn’t pay the cellphone bill. then you say “There is no substitute for living in the real world without the safety net of always having a roof over your head” then you say “in most cases, we know that we could always stay with family in that event rather than sleep in a car” and go on to say that you would rather be homeless then move back home. Even though you would not use it that is still a safety net. Also how does living at home where you have an address (something most job require. don’t believe me just try getting a job without one then you can comment on that) make you more of a failure than being homeless and living out of your car. But like I said before maybe you’re parents are assholes and that is why you would never move back.
4.Guaranteed beta status. This is only true for douche bag alpha male types and the women that fall for the alpha male bullshit. the point alone assumes that I would want to move out so I could have the Alpha male status. I don’t want to be a alpha male because every alpha male type I have ever known is a asshole. kinda leads me to think that the a in alpha male stands for asshole.
5.High likelihood of becoming “tolerant”. what a ignorant douchebag asshole statement. being tolerant does not make you a pussy. you should pull you’re head out of your ass and realize that not everyone can be a pinnacle of achievement such as your self. some people make the wrong decision with good intentions. or maybe some other pinnacle of achievement stole their idea and got rich while they got screwed. how about you prove you’re success and put up a video where you give your name and some other information so we can verify your success. but we all know that won’t happen.
6.Your life becomes a parade of excuses. This only applies to the kind of people that like to make excuses this is not true for every person that lives at home as an adult.
7.Men are not attracted to girls who live under their fathers’ roofs. you are so full of shit on this one. I guarantee that if you met a hat ass women you wouldn’t give a crap if she lived at her parents house. especially if she was in to you. This is pretty much true for all men because women have pair of breasts and a vagina. as for a unattractive women. Moving out wouldn’t magically make them attractive.
as for the “I’m just here until I find a job/place. That works for about 2 months” no it doesn’t. in this economy jobs can be real hard to find. By simply having the qualifications for your old job might make you over qualified for the kind of jobs that are available.
and the “I’m writing a novel. Give me a fucking break” you seem to really give writers and English major’s a hard time. could it be that you wrote this to vent because you were a failed English major or writer (you do have a blog which kinda implies you like to write.) why do you hate English major’s and novelist’s anyway. With out them there would be no English teachers or books for that mater.
and yeah I admit to living at home and no it does not knock me down one rung lower. I take care of the elderly people with Alzheimer’s for a living. a job that pays very little. In fact so little people rarely work there for more than few months at the most because you barely make enough Money to live on. I do it because I like helping people, but because of the pay I can’t continue the job for much longer. That’s why I am going to college so I can get a better job. because companies have the stupid dumb shit idea that piece of paper not your skills determines you ability to do a job. What is it that you do for a living that makes you the pinnacle of achievement. for all I know you are so successful because you are the next Bernie Madoff and you are scamming people out of their money. you can define a person by what their definition of success is.
P.S. attacking my use of grammar does not prove me wrong
If your resume is written in the same manner that this comment was written, need we even say more?
Real quick- Re: bills, if you’re paying rent why not pay it to a landlord instead of your parents? Could it be that your parents are giving you a sweetheart deal better than section 8 housing? In other words you are not capable of paying actual rent.
Like I said, when you live with your parents, the reason is just one of many in a parade of excuses.
“you should pull you’re head out of your ass and realize that not everyone can be a pinnacle of achievement such as your self. some people make the wrong decision with good intentions. or maybe some other pinnacle of achievement stole their idea and got rich while they got screwed.”
Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
“In this economy jobs can be real hard to find.” For epic failures, maybe.
“I don’t want to be a alpha male because every alpha male type I have ever known is a asshole.” By asshole you mean we succeed at things that you fail at, e.g., living independently and being attractive to attractive women?
“This is pretty much true for all men because women have pair of breasts and a vagina.”
Babboons have breasts and vaginas too. I guess beggars can’t be choosers.