Living With Your Parents = Epic Fail
Think about social networking sites. How many of you are “friends” with people whose continuing life or sudden death would impact your life in no other way than to change the number of “friends” you have on FaceBook, MySpace, etc?
I am FaceBook “friends” with a number of people from highschool, some of whom were little better than acquaintances. I accept their friend request only because I am curious about what they’re up to – and that, mostly because I want to see how I’m measuring up to the rest of my graduating class. My online friends and I got the same education, almost all went to college, our families all have comparable levels of income, etc. So I figure it’s a pretty even bar from which to compare.
I am shocked at how many of my former friends still live in their parents’ basements. Shocked.
I have only one analysis of anyone who does not move out of their parents’ house at the earliest possible opportunity: epic fail.
By and large, these are people who majored in something ridiculous like English or Political Science or the 1990′s favorite “Communications” and as a result cannot get a job that pays enough even to finance a meager home of their own.
Some of them, though, have masters degrees in engineering. One of them even has the same degree that I do, from the same school as a coworker of mine who holds the same position in our company, except that he has a masters in it also. He still lives at home!
What a failure! His girlfriend lives in Manhattan, by the way. $10 says that doesn’t last.
There is no such thing as a good reason to live with your parents. I don’t care if you’re 18, 28, or 60. Here is the short list of reasons why this is a retarded pracitce for men:
- Total and abject emasculation. If a man lives with his parents, other men immediately fail to take him seriously in any way. If he can’t even function as an independent adult, he obviously has a large variety of other major problems and therefore, his opinions on any matter are instantly and unequivocally void and disqualified for any real consideration.
- Total and abject emasculation. If a man lives with his parents, it means that his parents still have authority over him (or, his parents are beta chumps who let him have the run of their house, which leads me to believe in like father, like son, which is equally damning).
- Stunted adult growth. There is no substitute for living in the real world without the safety net of always having a roof over your head. After living on your own to a living standard that would be considered acceptable for an adult man, the cloud of possibility that delinquency on your mortgage or rent payments will leave you literally living in your car, or worse. In most cases, we know that we could always stay with family in that event rather than sleep in a car, but after living on my own, I would sooner cut off my own balls with a dull spoon then come crawling back to my mommy and daddy to cover my ass after a total, abject, epic fail such as that.
- Guaranteed beta status. You can’t be an alpha male when you aren’t even king of your own castle. No matter how smooth and suave your are with the ladies, they, including your own girlfriend if you somehow manage to have one, will always cringe when they say, “yeah, he still lives with his parents.” It’s as embarassing for them as it should be for you, and it’s a major minus in the attractiveness column. If all you’re looking for is pumping and dumping you can get away with it, but LTRs? Forget it – especially if she has her own place.
- High likelihood of becoming “tolerant”. Men who live with their parents try to cover for their own epic failures by becoming accepting of others and adopting a pussified worldview of relatives and understanding. This allows these men to tout their own abject failures without categorizing them as failures. In order to maintain self consistency, it necessarily requires them to look at the failures of all those around them and forgive them as he hopes other men will forgive his. Sorry chump, it doesn’t work that way, and it just makes you look like an even bigger pussy.
- Your life becomes a parade of excuses. One after the other. I’ll get to them to those next, but first…
Here are the reasons you shouldn’t live with your parents as a girl:
- Men are not attracted to girls who live under their fathers’ roofs. Trying to date, or worse, pump-and-dump a girl who lives with her parents, especially her father, is like storming an impregnable fortress on your mighty steed, throwing the damsel wench over your shoulder like a conquering viking, and dragging her out over the drawbridge so you can have you way with her. The obstacles of dealing with a woman who lives at home are many. They include things like requiring parental approval from day 1, constantly interacting with them every time you are attempting to take their daugher somewhere so you can shag her relentlessly, never being able to fuck her at her place, never being able to get a quickie on the front porch, but most of all, regressing to highschool-style dating into your 20′s. Screw that.
Here is a list of the excuses that dipshits who live with their parents routinely make (and firmly believe). Sorry dipshits, we adults do not believe any of them.
- I’m saving money for my own place. Right. I already have my own place. I didn’t have to live with my parents to get one. Why do you? People are “saving money for their own place” sometimes into their 30′s. Here’s a newsflash for you: saving an extra $20,000 for a bigger down payment on a house that you can only live in 5 or 10 years down the road is not worth the 5 or 10 years of living with your parents in a basement. Time is your most precious commodity. It is better to live in a run-down, rat-infested $400/mo apartment and buy the house at 28 than it is to live in an upscale white suburb for 0$/mo and buy the house at 26. Living in your car is preferable. You know why? Because it proves you have a pair. Grow one and move out.
- It’s too expensive for someone my age where I live. Then move. That excuse is bullshit anyway. When I was fresh out of college I was able to live comfortably in one of the priciest real estate markets in the nation without breaking a sweat. There is always an affordable place. Ever hear of subsidized housing? If you have a college degree, unless you’re a total douchebag, you can easily get a job that will afford you basic housing. This excuse is so easy to tear down because it is not based in reality and easily refuted with 10 seconds worth of google fact searching.
- All my friends live around here. Make new friends. Find a place near your parents. Find a place 40 miles away and drive more.
- I want to be near my parents because I <3 them. Find a place near your parents. Find a place 40 miles away and drive more.
- I like being pampered as if I’m an irresponsible immature little child well into my adulthood. Okay, this is usually phrased, “My mom cooks and cleans for me, you can’t beat that kind of service!” Adult males interpret this phrase as, “I can’t take care of myself because I never grew up. I fail at life.”
- My parents want me to live with them. Usually uttered by girls. So what? You’re 22. Make your own decisions. Live your own life. I did what my parents wanted without question until the last tuition check cleared. Every request after that was accomodated because they still haven’t squandered all of my inheritance and one day I might want it. Just kidding, I like my parents and they are reasonable people. We get along.
- I’m just here until I find a job/place. That works for about 2 months. Beyond that, one begins to question why it is you still haven’t found said job or said place. Is it because you’re full of shit?
- I’m writing a novel. Give me a fucking break. Seriously? Are you seriously going to tell me that’s why you’re living with your parents? Because you’re trying to become a novelist? Pipe fucking dream. Get over it. You know how many people try to write novels and fail each year? Thousands, becuase it’s a bullshit do-nothing “career” that usually boils down to a cover for laziness or for not wanting to work for a telemarketing company because you majored in something dumb like English. In order to be a successful novelist you need to have some life experiences so your ideas can mean something, and you aren’t likely to get that playing Wii with your highschool friends in your mom’s basement at 24. The “writing a novel” excuse is such a stupid sham. For 99% of the people who say they do this, they end up never even writing the novel, much less getting it published, much less making a dime on it. They finally wake up 10 years later and realize, “shit, I wasted my time.” Too late, retard. Enjoy that telemarketing job and settling on fatties from eHarmony.
There is exactly one situation in which it is okay to live with your parents, and even this situation is highly undesirable, but understandable and perfectly excusable:
- Your elderly parents are disabled and/or terminally ill and can no longer take care of themselves. They took care of you; you should return the favor. Sucks, but that’s life.
The truth is that the people who still live with their parents into their 20′s and beyond are usually doing so because they have epicly failed in some manner. The standard epic fail is lack of gainful employment coupled by standards that preclude the failure’s willingness to live in sub-upper-middle-class environs. This lack of gainful employment can be attributed to a variety of personality defects, the most common is laziness. The second most common was the choice to major in something fucking stupid and then be unabe to get a job that is glamorous enough for you.
The bottom line is that if you live with your parents post-graduation, you are an epic failure.
I can picture the stock responses from basement dwelling alsorans along these lines: “you’re close minded” or “you are stereotyping” or “you don’t know my situation” or any number of dumb excuses that don’t address a single one of these points because these points are unadressable. Their truth is known to everyone including you but admitting it to yourself or *gasp* openly would knock you one rung even lower than you already are for living with your parents in your 20′s, and that should inspire suicide in any man with testicles. Aynway, enjoy your vapid existence, troglodyte.
I agree with most of your points. However, I do not plan to move out of my parent’s house as soon as I graduate. For one thing, I have an asian upbringing, which means I don’t really mind living with them for a while.
But I still think it would be pathetic to be living with my parents at the age of 30… Which is kind of sad, considering I won’t get out of university until I’m around 26, or 28.
What is wrong with living with your parents? I would say that unless you are married, why move out? In order to pay rent and pay down someone elses mortgage, no thanks. Plus, the only reason a guy wants to live on his own is so he has a place to bang chicks. I’m betting the dude that wrote this post had his parents pay for his degree, give him a down payment, and buy him a car….now that in my opion is an epic fail. This dude never learned what a work ethic is or better yet, empathy for his common man. This guy will make a terrible leader until he gets knocked down a peg or two. Peace.
Omg you hit the nail on the head here. There is no excuse to be in your 20′s or 30′s and living with ur folks. I know a guy who lived off anyone he could (me too for 6 months). His gf and her dad for almost two years, and also with his dad for about 2 years now. Needless to say, we are no longer friends. His lack of being able to care for himself really strained our friendship. We both got out of the navy the same time and moved in with our parents. Difference is, I only lived there while my new house was being built. When it was done, I move out. His ass stayed mooching away of whoever he could until his wife left him and all his friends disappeared, me included. Now I have my own home and me and his ex wife are engaged!!!!
Sarah are you serious? You AGREE with this guy? Do you think life is that simple for everyone? Anyway, I hope that one day you feel what unfortunate life circumstance are like. This guy is a bully. Plain and simple a bully.
I hadn’t really considered the asian/indian/latin american situation when I wrote this post. Most non-American/European cultures have different expectations when it comes to parents. I dated an indian girl for a long time and one of the biggest problems I had with any future with her was her non-negotiable opinion that she would finance her parents’ retirement via them living with her.
I also wrote this post from a distinctively male point of view. I don’t think it’s a character flaw for women to live with their parents for a while post-graduation, but I do think it harms their prospects and they’d probably have a lot more fun on their own. But then again, I’m a man, so what do I know?
But yeah, once you’re out of college/grad school there’s really no excuse.
You didn’t really consider other points of view or cultural references when writing this post. That’s just shocking, really.
I can think of an excuse, such as 80,000 dollars in student loan debt.
I guess that’s just frivolous though. Those faggoty college grads should pick themselves up by their bootstraps and get a 50K job with complete benefits right out of school, otherwise they’re worthless.
Your ignorance is only outpaced by your astounding lack of empathy.
Oh, God. Get a sense of humor will you? This is a friggin blog, for Christ sake. However, I still agree with the original post. Living at home fails. Do you have any idea how many self sufficient adults are neck deep in debt? Don’t see any of THEM living with their parents. Suck it up and live in the lower class for a while. Borrow money from your parents, but for Christ sake, don’t move back in with them
Pick up a thesaurus and stop using the word Fail
You’re a friggin nob head. You think being neck deep in debt and probably never going to be able to pay it back is good?
If you had spent $80,000 on something that would enable you to get a 50k job with complete benefits right out of school, you wouldn’t have failed. It’s not that hard. In fact, my cousin’s girlfriend just landed a 60k job with full benefits at IBM with a degree in English.
Imagine that!
“I can picture the stock responses from basement dwelling alsorans along these lines: “you’re close minded” or “you are stereotyping” or “you don’t know my situation” or any number of dumb excuses that don’t address a single one of these points because these points are unadressable.”
QED.
If your adult child lives with you and you do a lick of housework or any of your own shopping, your epic failure only goes unnoticed because we are epically failing as a society.
I’m from Finland and I moved to my own apartment when I was 20, just like most people around here.
However, I remember well when I was once working in Brazil when I was 24 years old. Brazilians were asking me if I don’t like my parents because I don’t live with them. There it was totally normal to live with your parents until you get married.
Yes, what others said. Your post makes sense only from a particular cultural viewpoint, namely modern (male) American. Not so long ago it was common for Americans to live with parents until marriage, and still is in plenty of other countries. If it’s cool with the parents and cool with the kid, who cares what anyone else thinks?
I’m a bit of an expert on this subject, and I can say yes, living with the folks is clearly an epic fail. After supporting myself for a couple years in a menial job, I decided two months ago to move back in with the fam for a bit, since my roommate is moving in with his fiance and I’ll be heading to a new city this year. Doesn’t sound THAT bad, right? Well, I’m not even out of my apartment yet and my girlfriend of two years is already gone. Epic fail.
Actually, I started to think if there is correlation between countries with low divorce rates and living with your parents until marriage? If you have never lived alone, maybe getting divorced is more difficult?
I lived with my parents for around 8 months post college to save money to buy an apartment. It sucked. I bought an apartment and moved. Epic fail? Nah, I don’t think so.
Saying you’re saving to buy a place as an excuse is epic fail. Actually doing it isn’t.
Letting a random blogger tell you what to do and what is right = epic fail.
I was thrown out by my parents at 15. I’m jealous about losers living in their parents’ basement.
I don’t get it. What exactly are you pointing out here? People who have no money and no good job, and who live with their parents, are failures?
Wow, took a lot of thinking to figure that one out? How about “women with barren wombs who cannot have children are epic failures.” Your entire post is just mean-spirited salt-rubbing.
I think the reasoning behind this post is, you resent people who are living with their parents at an accelerated age, and yet enjoying life. They really are saving a fuckton of money this way, and when they leave the nest, they’ll have the privilege of having a nice down payment for their own property.
I can certainly understand that, having bought my own place at 26, way before any of my friends, and having a 31-year-old loser brother who still lives at home. Make no mistake: he is a failure. He doesn’t do his own laundry and wouldn’t know how to microwave dinner. But he’s also suffered severe depression since he was 15 and if he didn’t have mom and dad to take care of him, would either be living off government assistance or dead by his own hand.
Make no mistake, however: I live in a tiny bachelor and would love to upgrade. And if I had the opportunity to live somewhere for free while in between selling and buying a place with more than one friggin’ room, I would totally take back my old bedroom for a few months. Great food, a quiet suburban setting, and mom folding my laundry? Shee-it. It may turn me into a pussy, but it would be a hell of a break. Plus, my parents love me…and need me to help fix their computer problems.
I have another dreaded “excuse” for you: Let’s say you’re starting your own business, and it’s a little risky, but a year rent-free with mom and dad will ensure you can get it up and running and then repay them for their kindness once the profits roll in. My business partner is doing it right now, and I have to say, it’s responsible for the life of this project.
I sold my own poop on Ebay so I would not have to live with my parents.
Well, I sold most of it, but some I eated.
“I don’t get it. What exactly are you pointing out here? People who have no money and no good job, and who live with their parents, are failures?”
Why yes, Skippy, that’s exactly what I was pointing out. You must have made the critical reading part of the SATs your bitch. 800 verbal?
On to more important matters – How about “women with barren wombs who cannot have children are epic failures.”
Yes, as a matter of fact, let’s talk about them. Here’s where we do a little exercise called analogies. They’re a little harder. You tried one, but it didn’t work. I’ll frame it using the take-home message of my brilliant blog post in a matter that even you might be able to complete:
Making poor choices (and a lot of excuses) is to people who live with their parents post-education (a.ka. epic failures) as ____________ is to barren women.
a) Being born with parts that don’t work
b) Stabbing one’s self in the vagina until it breaks
If you guessed a), you’re an idiot.
Skippy, trying to compare a condition that for the vast majority of the afflicted was determined at birth entirely independent of any choices the afflicted made with a situation that is entirely and objectively based on choices leaves to me to wonder how you were able to write your own name on all the closing contracts for your “place”.
I don’t resent the people who are living with their parents at an “accelerated” age. I would use the word “decelerated”, first of all, since living with your parents simply delays your childhood and voids you of any adult responsibility. Is there an echo here? I think I made that pretty clear as one of my chief complaints.
I don’t resent these schmucks, I pity them. They are retarded, in the classic sense of the word. Retarded, like your brother. No surprise, no sooner did you admit that he both lives with his parents and is a failure did you make an excuse for him.
There is no excuse. Maybe he wouldn’t be depressed if he lived on his own and took responsibility for himself instead of feeling like he can’t even take care of himself at the age of 31.
I would also suggest to your friend that if he can’t get together the savings to carry his rent for a year he probably shouldn’t be starting a business. Does his business happen to be a form of publishing? A budding novelist, perhaps?
You get my point, and I stand by it. Excuses are worthless, and living with your parents is an epic failure.
I have a brother that lives with my parents and doesn’t do anything my mom cooks for him and does everything for him he don’t even work I moved back with them because of an illness I developed by while I was away I had my own apartment and everything especially latin women are expected to live in their parents home untill they get married.But I prefered to have my own place. The sad part they expoiled him the other sad part he is not sick at least he don’t look sick and he still lives there and I still clean and help around the house
Please take some time to educate yourself about depression. I have had it for almost 30 years, and it’s not something you can cure by moving out on your own.
Severe depression and bipolar depression are neurological in nature. They are caused by chemical imbalances within your serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters. This is why some of the most effective treaments are anti-seizure meds like Lamictal or, in very severe cases, electroshock therapy.
Neurologically, brain patterns of someone with bipolar depression look very similar to an epileptic’s. I hardly think that even you would tell an epileptic he would get better if he lived on his own.
Both my father and, to a lesser extent, my sister, suffered from depression. According to my father he spent nearly a decade smoking 3 packs a day just to get by.
I went through a brief bout of depression during college when I came to the Fight Club conclusion that life basically sucks, so why should I bother? I frequently had suicidal thoughts. I am positive that had I gone to a psychiatrist interested in curing me, I would have been diagnosed with depression and prescribed some form of state-altering placebo like the ones I presume you probably take.
Instead, I came to another conclusion: depression was a fake illness and could easily be overcome by a little willpower. “Boo hoo, poor fucking me, I’m so sad, I’m so depressed.” Just ignore those voices in your head and your problem is solved. You should try it. I bet it will work better than your pills.
On second thought, Kim, parroting scientific sounding terms like “neurotransmitter” and “dopamine” and convincing yourself that it’s a physiological problem that you can’t overcome merely by changing your attitude prevents you from having to try. It also gives you an excuse to mope around all day and elicit sympathy and dodge responsibilities. Isn’t science great?
Depression. Autism. ADD. Nonsense, bullshit conditions that don’t actually exist. Doctors, especially psychiatrists and psychologists, and even more especially pharmacists are in business to sell cures to illnesses. If they can invent a demand by publishing dubious studies, inventing dubious conditions, and making dubious diagnoses to sell services, they get rich.
If you think medical doctors and scientists are above that behavior, you’ve got a lot of learning to do. Meanwhile, stop bitching about your depression and do something about it.
I like to take a shit on depressives! It makes them feel better!
Evan,
I just revisited this post. Despite the flame-baiting on your part, I’ll respond to a couple of your “comebacks.”
First off, based on my perception of your attitude, you come across as someone who suffers from some form of depression. Maybe a mild version thereof, since you claim you were able to overcome it through a mere attitude adjustment, but I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that part of the reason you lash out at random people is because there’s something physiologically lacking in your brain.
I’m not saying this to be insulting. But stepping back for a second, making the ludicrous catch-all claim that severe depression and other psychological illnesses simply “don’t exist” is absurd, and it essentially invalidates everything you’ve said previously. Kim’s post was perfectly legitimate. Saying that she’s “parroting scientific-sounding terms” such as “neurotransmitter,” and using this as a jump-off point to pooh-pooh her argument is incredibly stupid. However, you seem like a smart enough guy, so I’ll excuse your ridiculous statement as the desperate flailings of someone confronted with reality that contradicts your ugly, pseudo-Darwinian worldview. Those aren’t “scientific-sounding” terms, they’re actual, well-known scientific terms to describe phenomena that aren’t controversial to even the most skeptical minds out there. Even yours. Let’s be honest here.
In any case, to address your points:
- I’ve never taken an SAT test, as I’m Canadian. I did score very highly on reading comprehension back in Grade 9, if you must know. Don’t worry, I understood exactly what you were saying in your essay, but I was pointing out that it’s nothing but a nasty taunt-ology (I just made that up): “People who are failures…are FAILURES! Nyeah, nyeah, nyeah!” That’s the kind of statement a smarmy, not-too-intelligent prick might make. But I know you can rise above that someday, Evan.
- I’m not making “excuses” for my brother, I’m explaining why he’s in the situation that he’s in. That simple. I have no doubt that he ought to pull himself up by the bootstraps and get out on his own someday. I’ve encouraged it for years. He feels he’s not ready yet, as do my parents and his shrink. So he’s going to stay in his rut.
In any case, I have to your phobia of “excuses” is inane. Normally, because people don’t ascribe value judgments to things they have no knowledge of, or personal investments in, an explanation is equivalent to an excuse, and vise versa. In other words, reasonable individuals accept people’s explanations for why they do things, without using it as a springboard for a personal attack.
Finally, my friends is not a novelist. We’ve created an online role-playing game, which I actually think you’d enjoy, but I’m not going to advertise things here. Email me if you want to talk further.
Cheers,
Skippy
Mind over matter, Skippy. Mind over matter.
I am not insinuating that neurotransmitters and dopamine do not exist. Rather, I am illustrating the simple fact that the people who attempt to explain why they are failing at life by using medical terms they heard about in those squiggly white ball commercials generally have no comprehension what a neurotransmitter is or what dopamine does. They just listened to what their doctor told them, nodded their head, and ran off to tell everyone who would listen that they have a “chemical imbalance in their brains” and that’s why they haven’t done anything in the last two decades.
I can’t believe that a brilliant Canadian such as yourself, privy to what every Canadian assures me is the greatest educational system on the planet, does not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation. Let me enlighten you:
explanation (n)
something that explains; a statement made to clarify something and make it understandable; exposition: an explanation of a poem.
excuse (n)
an explanation offered as a reason for being excused; a plea offered in extenuation of a fault or for release from an obligation, promise, etc.: His excuse for being late was unacceptable.
Do you see the difference here Skippy? The operative difference here is this phrase: a plea offered in an extenuation of a fault. The difference between an explanation and an excuse, Skippy, is that an excuse is an explanation for a fault.
I am a reasonable person and I accept all kinds of explanations from all kinds of people for all kinds of somethings, but I very rarely accept an excuse without the precondition of a blanket admission of failure first. Such an admission is the first step to correcting the fault.
The point of this post was not to randomly insult people (I had a few specific individuals in mind, mostly former high school friends). The point of this post was to enlighten anyone who is reading this and may live with their parents as adults that they have failed at life. Because I believe this, any explanation given is automatically categorized as an excuse.
Of course, you’ll probably just write this view off as “inane” and attribute it to some character flaw that I have (such as I must be a “prick”). You might even imagine in your mind that I must be stupid. All of these things must be true because my view differs from yours and you couldn’t possibly be wrong, right?
I believe I did a reasonable job supporting my position with arguments other than ad hominem assertions about the character of the debater, although I did sprinkle several in because the debaters, like yourself, make it too easy.
The only excuse that holds any water is “I’m bumming rent off my parents to save money for…” but as I’ve argued, I have problems even with that line of argument because in my humble opinion, 22 years is long enough.
As for you and your friend, Skippy, I would recommend writing. You have a better chance of making money on the novel.
Evan,
Thanks for the explanation. You’ve made yourself quite a bit clearer, and I attribute it partly to your avoidance of major ad hominems. Even though I’m sure you’d like to come across as “edgy,” I think you’ll find people will generally find your arguments more compelling when you stick to this formula. I freely admit I took the bait, and I’m a bit embarrassed about it.
I still think you’re being a bit hard on these Boomerang Kids and could afford to cut them a bit of slack. At 22 years old, many people are just graduating university. I wouldn’t begrudge them the chance to pay off their massive student debts, and if they’re not in debt, let them build up a small nest egg — or better yet, go out and see the world for a few months.
I also still think that it’s worth noting that a person living with their parent or parents (as is the case with my friend and business partner) could very possibly be considered a non-failure in most other aspects of their life (relationships, health, even finance. You might argue that the rest is nullified by dint of their temporary living arrangement. That, to me, seems contradictory. A “failure” (an “epic” failure at that) would probably be considered unsuccessful in every facet of his or her life.
I guess it comes down to sympathy. Mocking one’s “plea” to understand and accept their faults — and I’m pretty sure we all have faults — is merely cruel. Now, cruelty can be fun, especially when it’s done semi-anonymously over the web, but it’s not a great starting point for a lifelong philosophy. Of course, it’s not a matter of right or wrong here. It’s a matter of outlook. I accept that you have a differing worldview, I just feel it seems fueled more by anger and resentfulness than logic.
Finally, I am a writer by trade. Right now, and you’ll have to trust me on this, the money’s definitely in gaming.
So what about a person with these attributes? Are they an epic fail also?
1. lives with their parents at the age of 27
2. gets along fine with their parents
3. lives in a good size house that can comfortably fit 6 people but now only has 3 including the 27 year old.
4. has the whole downstairs of the house to themself which includes 6 rooms.
4. both parents and young adult child all have excellent health and are all pretty well rounded.
5. cooks often
6. pays their share of the expenses
7. has a brand new 2007 car that was paid for all at once with their own money and does all the regular maintenence on it themself.
8. has a considerable amount of money saved in investments.
8. has a steady job doing manual labor and is considered in the top 5% of the companies 200 workers
9. Is titled the “wellness expert” at place of employment due to overall health/lack of sick days/work ethic/and importance to company.
10. has absolutely no debts whatsoever.
11. does their share of the housework
12. does their own laundry
13. just recently lent a friend a considerable amount of money to help that friend get back up on their feet after some hard times the friend had gone through and gave the friend more then enough time to pay it back even though it was possible the friend could never pay it back.
14. regularly mows the lawn, trims the bushes, rakes the leaves, shovels the snow.
15. regularly helps friends and family with computer trouble because of their good computer literacy
16. and on and on and on
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Is that person an epic fail because they live a good healthy well rounded life in the same building as the people that brought them into this world? You dealt the omnipotent card and claimed that you aren’t stereotyping and that there cant possible be any exceptions to your world view, but how is what you said any different then saying that someone that lives in a small house can’t possibly have that much money? Well how do you know that person doesnt have a ton of money saved up? How do you know that person doesn’t have a large summer home in Malibu? Instead of viewing a part of somebodies life and automatically assuming they are a failure because of it, you should add together all the things that make up the persons life and then make that decision. Oh that person is short so they can’t possible be good at basketball, or, that person drives a BMW so they must be rich. Both are true alot of the time but there are plenty of good short players in the NBA and their are plenty of people who own expensive cars that are in debt up to their ears.
You are clearly the exception. Some people I know, including an uncle of mine in his 50s, fit the description of ‘Epic Fail’ that emach is describing.
Do you all want to know what happens when you live at home with your parents ‘forever’? Becoming permanently single past 25 is just the beginning… nobody is immortal, right? Well, emach, pat yourself on the back for your strongly worded ‘wake up call’ post, because what follows fits right in. BTW, paying a modest rent doesn’t reduce the Epic Fail in most cases. Shitty, low paying job the excuse? Too bad you were ‘too cool for school’… or ‘too idealistic for anything but basket weaving degrees’.
Long story short for my uncle: When Mommy died, it was one hell of blow. Too big for someone in his 40s that never left home, slipping into a depression that amplified the anti-social, almost eccentric behavior we already were tolerating for years. He already wasn’t the type to have a positive outlook, but this was a definite change… his general hygiene took a bit of a hit too, and his interest in hobbies and such dropped to almost zero.
But hey, Daddy’s still around, right? Why not still stay at home, waiting for life to dictate when you end up alone in the house? Yep, Dad eventually passes on, and then the shock is even bigger. At first, it looks like he’s going through normal grieving, understanding that this was inevitable, and decides to stay in the house. Talks like he’s really into it, even fixes up parts of the house, almost boasting he’s on his own now.
Seems like everything is holding up, right? Wrong. His depression gets obviously worst, and his hygiene, which was already lacking, takes a nose dive. Although eventually partially recovered, it’s one hell of a way to ‘grow up’ and ‘leave home’ (psychologically), if you can call it that (more liked a permanently missed step in life), and to take it out on the rest of the family by being almost intolerable to talk to or even be near. We don’t visit his house, the last we saw, it was filthy and a mess.
I left out some details, but I think you get the picture. My parents made it clear: to stay we have to be working towards a degree, and once we graduate and get a job, a 6 month time limit starts ticking to get out. By seeing what happened to my uncle, I totally agreed. I guess I had the ‘privilege’ to see a real life Epic Fail to not feel comfortable about staying at home.
Now, do the rest of you understand what emach means by Epic Fail? Stay in denial about it, and then end up developing anti-social behaviors and lacking coping mechanisms for the big, inevitable negative changes in life. The term “emotionally challenged” barely covers it. Sounds like a living Hell, right? Yep, and everyone around you simply think of you as ‘Unforgivable Epic Fail’ when they get the sense you’re not moving out any time soon, and you start developing the weird anti-social behavior that comes with not making the big step to live on your own. Remember, becoming permanently single is just the beginning of the issues you’ll face…
I agree with you let’s just pray they will understand I hope all americans were like that,I met many that hated work
sorry I know my post is about a month after the most recent post and I meant to include that in my original post but I accidently close the page, thankfully copying the text before I did though
If all of these things were true about a person, then the only question left is what is the cause of the dysfunction in said individual that makes him want to stay in the nest instead of striking out on his own like all grown men who haven’t failed usually can’t wait to do.
I would describe the situation you just described is all dressed up with nowhere to go. If that’s the portfolio you’re sitting on, why aren’t you living in your own house with your wife and children? Why aren’t you functioning like an adult?
What makes it a dysfunction? Your claiming that the place of residence comes first and then the persons mental state is affected negatively, rather then saying that the person was good for nothing first and then the decision to state with the parents followed. Why have we become so focused on an order of events in a persons life that if these events did not occur or did not occur in a specific order then there is something wrong with that person? Yes that person is me and I happen to think my mental state, health, and overall well-being is better then a majority of people out there. I live in a house with well balanced parents with plenty of room for us all to live comfortably with room to spare. A place to live is a place to live and if it works out for all the people involved then whats the problem? Maybe I’m an exception to your rules. Maybe a majority of young adults that stay with their parents end up becoming very lazy and good for nothing, but don’t you think they may have just happened to have that state of mind prior to deciding to stay with their parents? Living in a house that has the mortgage paid for and expenses are split between 3 people allows me to have more free time to do things that I like to do. I’m sure with the way the economy is going now you are going to see a much higher percentage of young people staying with or moving back in to their parents house, alot of them will be bringing kids in with them.
There are too many houses out there right now that are way oversized and have only half or less of its capacity of people living in it. A bit wasteful dont you think? Now, yes I can agree that if a young adult was living with the parents and they didnt get along, or the living conditions were a bit cramped, or they didnt do their part around the house or they had a serious girlfriend/wife/kids, then yes they should be seriously looking at a place of their own. For me though I don’t have a wife or kids or even a girlfriend. Am I gay? No far from, I love woman, I think they are incredibly beautiful and great to be around, but I don’t and never have desired to have a serious relationship with a girl. There are several great girls that I know and have met in the past that I could have gotten into something serious with but the desire was never there. Being single has always felt more right for me as I have never felt like there was a lack of companionship in my life. Will that change in the future? Will I eventually start a serious relationship? Maybe, maybe not. Until then though I am happy with my life. I personally think there is too much crap going on in the world, some of which we know and even more of which we dont know and I think it’s very important to keep your life as simple as possible to give yourself a fighting chance against these things. People have been brainwashed into thinking that you have to go on a set path of school, job, house, marriage, kids etc. I have no desire to become one of those zombie lemmings that go throughout life like one of those show horses that have blinders on giving them tunnel vision. Many people don’t have the time or the care to step back, take a deep breathe, and really analyze the world around them. Stopping to smell the roses if you will. The free time that I have had has given me time to research topics that I wouldnt normally have had time to like the condition of our health care, the quality of the food we eat, the physcology behind racial hate and other vaious topics whenever they pop into my head. The most important thing in a persons life is to be happy while having some positive impact on others and as little negative impact as possible. If you can live your life this way, then complaining that somebody lives with their parents as a young adult seems rather petty of a complaint to me.
Sounds to me like you fit into a specific class of person that I’ve written about before. I call them rebel parasites but not merely for the sake of derision.
A rebel parasite is a person (typically a young man) who watches too much Fight Club and bitches and moans about how life is boring. “I’m not a cubicle slave!” “I march to the beat of my own drummer!” I’m not a “zombie lemming!”
Right. Of course you aren’t. There’s only one problem. Every single person I have ever encountered – either online or in real life – who broadcasts this bullshit always depends upon someone who fits this description. Always.
And in 99% of cases, its their parents, the reason for which is obvious – no other human being would put up with this bullshit. In other words – it’s good enough for my father to be a zombie lemming and waste his life doing what everyone else does, but not good enough for me. Oh, but by the way, I exist because he followed that prescribed existence (wife, children) and I live in the house he provided.
That’s the problem with guys like you. You want to stop and smell the roses but guess what, jack ass? Someone has to pay the bills.
“Oh, but I pay my fair share of the expenses!” Yeah, fine. I’m sure you do. Who are you trying to kid?
There are two kinds of people in the world – givers and takers. Your father is a giver. You, sir, are a taker. And that’s why you’re an epic fail.
Since you use all the luxury free time provided to you by avoiding all adult responsibility, I want you to spend some time thinking long & hard about this: if everyone behaved like you did, how long would it take for society to collapse?
People like me and your father are holding up society and you’re just along for the ride, and there is absolutely no excuse except that you just don’t feel the need to contribute.
Sometimes I really hate this country. We make it too easy for people like you.
… so if I pay my landlord the fair share I’m still mooching? Or the bank my fair share? I’m perplexed by the logic being insinuated and the lack of understanding in vocabulary to terms such as takers and givers or whatever axiom you’re using. If you’d please clarify that would be appreciated. Since we are talking about fair; that’s all you can really ask for from another human being.
Every guy like you has had a sever problem with anger and stress that I’ve encountered like others have said. An elitist attitude to help stave off some kind of insecurity of your own or others you love is what this usually comes from honestly. My best friend of many years brought up once how I’d pay back the 8 grand I owe my folks for lawyers fees associated with a court case (company problems) and I ask him how is he going to pay back the 500k+ he owes his folks from shitty decisions he’s made. He then comes back at me about this junk in the article knowing I stayed home for two years after college. He has been there for six years and it makes me sad knowing that he feels this way about me. It’s like I’m talking to a stranger or something.
I have payed my parents taxes on their house and do not live with them, they have lived with me and “failed” in life. Do they follow the same derogatory stigma that you purport? I’m wondering indeed… considering they made a son that isn’t failing at life, and I am their responsibility. Yet I have failed at times and needed them as much as they need me. Whatever…
What is it about this topic that has gotten you so fired up? I have met a few people in the last few years that have had a similar view to yours and from what I have seen, those people that come from a good well-rounded family will either never mention the topic or will just lend some advice about why they prefer moving out sooner rather then later. The people who have families with alot of issues both present and past are aggressive with the conversation and talk about how they are so happy to get away from their parents and would never consider moving back in for any reason. It feels as though you are more like the second group of people. I’m not saying that the lives of you and your family both present and past have been quite shaky, but I can’t help but think that there have been alot of very trying times that have made you into a more aggressive and anger filled person. For me and my family our lives have been pretty smooth sailing. Relatives not dying until very old age, no problems with alcohol or drugs, family members all got along and loved each other, innocent humor always kept in the equation, very little if any materialism etc. etc. Listen I’m not saying there is nothing in my life that doesnt need improvement and that I’m in any way better then you, but don’t for a minute think that you’re the pinnacle of success either.
Mmm, good tactic. Rather than actually respond to any substance, you instead insinuate that I must be an angry person. Not surprising.
First, I haven’t said anything at all about my family or my background, so any claims you make about either is wild speculation, and it’s rooted in vain grasping at any reason whatsoever to discout anything I might say. “Oh, he’s only saying that because his family life sucked, so of course he wanted to leave his parents! This must be why he’s bitter!!”
Not that it’s any business of yours, Andy, but as a matter of fact, my family life was exactly as you describe yours. My parents live in a lovely upper middle class white suburban neighborhood in New Jersey in a house about twice the size of mine.
Am I angry? Yes, I’m angry about an entire generation of young adults who apparently seem to think that continuing society is a responsibility they, by virtue of nothing more than a thought drifting through their heads, somehow do not have. I vent this frustration by describing adults who believe it is acceptable to stay in their parents’ home well past the time when, were they birds they would have either flown or plummeted to their deaths, as epic failures on the internet.
I am the pinnacle of success, Andy. I am doing everything right. I am living what everyone describes as the “American dream” and laments even when they themselves are doing all of nothing to actively pursue it, becuase living in their parents’ basement is more convenient, less expensive, and risk-free.
But if it makes you feel better to reduce my stature to yours in your mind only, go ahead. After all, anyone who lives with their parents is obviously accustomed to the path of least resistance already. Changing course is so hard.
been reading your past blogs and you strike me as a pretty intelligent guy. You seem to be passionate about alot of topics that most people couldnt give the time of day for. I agree with alot of the stuff you talk about, but trying to express conflicting opinions on someones personal blogging site is were I went wrong. Most people don’t write blogs so they can get differing opinions on the topic and maybe learn from it. They write the blogs assuming they are right from the start because a blog is their personal space and people like being right in that space. A personal blog is a place for them to vent, a place for them to be “king”. I don’t like it when people come into my space and disagree with me and neither do you. Like I said, from reading your blogs you and I have alot of agreements with things we see going on around us we just have the differing opinion that living with your parents guarantees your a complete failure.
If I didn’t want dissent I would just disable comments or delete them. I leave every comment that isn’t obviously spam on the blog no matter how derogatory of me it is because doing anything else is the ultimate in douchebaggery. If there is one principle that guides my every action it is that hypocrisy is the greatest of sins, and therefore so too is a correlary: if you can dish it out, you better be able to take it.
Dear Blogger,
I’m afraid that I must completely agree with you. I still live with my parents and I feel like an epic failure. No, I AM an epic failure. Your blog confirms my own suspicions about myself. Is there any hope for me? or should I help to rid the world of another useless parasitic human being and finally take my own life? I’ve been pondering this a while and your post that I just happened across while wasting my pathetic existence by surfing the internet on my parents’ computer hits an all too familiar feeling of uselessness within me. Tonight might be the final night that I waste another moment of the worlds’ time. Thank you for helping me with my decision. May others like you prosper and others like myself find a similar and well-deserving end. Thank you.
Oh grow up, Dave! That’s all you need to do if you really feel like that about yourself. Besides, doing things on your own makes you feel great and encourages you to move further in life. So stop with the “pitty me” non-sense.
In fact:
I am dating a person living with their mom and is 30 years old. I moved in not really understanding the situation i was getting myself into. Now, I am at work looking for apartments and reading blogs like these on my free time because with the situation and this our culture is not right. (for those others out there that read the first blog and disagreed only bc he failed to mention other cultures, that was just another excuse. I would say the first post was about most American Cultures) Once i land on my OWN place again, i will give them an option to grow up or stay a child. One way or the other i will be moving on and living on my own. Its tough but somehow i’m still truckin’ along trying to get by til i work up in my company or graduate. Of course, i have had to go to my parents for assistance but i never moved back in nor did i want to.
Unfortunately the relationship has become sour bc of this factor. I come home and food is made. I WANT TO COOK MY OWN FOOD. I cant even walk to the shower naked if i wanted to. I just hope they grow up. Including the mother. She needs to learn how to be on her own as well.
One other thing. This is where it gets tricky. The mother is disabled but very wealthy and has been taking care of herself including everyone at the house. She isnt collecting disability so i am not sure if she is or not disabled in the first place, or if she doesnt want to claim it. I dont know that much in detail nor can i just ask her personal info like that. I can see MAYBE why my hubby can stay at her house but i still think it is an excuse. I’ve already had a conversation with my mom about this kind of situation. And i told her i would be close enough to still aid her. I was even considering being in the same neighborhood next door or something. I think that is acceptable. I could go on and on but i think thats all i will say. I’ll be posting more later i’m sure.
You’re welcome, Dave.
But you shouldn’t kill yourself. You should just move out. It’s not hard. Have you considered the nearest subway tunnel? I hear those are very comfortable in the winter. You’re not addicted to cocaine, are you, Dave? Because if you aren’t, you’ll cut quite a swath through the competition for what’s left in the trash cans after dark in the nearest rail station. You might have to tolerate some untoward company, but at least you’ll have your dignity.
Cheers,
Evan
This is very late, but Andy, if you were actually so content in your current situation you wouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself on an online blog. You have lots of arguments about how logical it is to live that way, but do you honestly want to live your life never knowing what YOU can do? To me, that’s the point of life and procreation. You should want to branch out.
I didn’t understand all the hating on English majors though. What was up with that?
Majoring in English is like majoring in walking and chewing gum at the same time. Not only is it easy – as evidenced by the enormous number of them churned out year after year – it is generally useless. You need to go to college to learn how to write? Or read? Really?
Every English class I ever attended at the university level (all of which were involuntarily attended, I would add) boiled down to a tributary circle jerk to a half-wit work by a half-wit author. By the tiem I was done listening to a group of girls discuss “themes” in Jane Eyre my scalp was bleeding. What a waste of time. Talking about a theme in a work of fiction has never, ever produced a single iota of worth to anyone or anything. It certainly has never nor will ever produce any kind of wealth. It is a total masturbatory waste of time.
Also, once you graduate with a degree in English, your earning potential is only marginally increased because you can at least (in theory) get interviews at Bachelor’s-only corporations. But who would hire an English major?
Well, what is a good subject to major in? One that I could actually get a job doing after graduation? I am starting college but do not know what to do and one thing is for sure, I do not want to be an “epic fail.”
come on people how can you argue with the author. if you don’t make the same decisions and live you’re life the same way he did you are a failure at life. Obviously this must be true because some insignificant anonymous little shit on the internet with a blog says so. after reading this the author seems like one of those douche bag alpha male types that likes to make fun of homeless people instead of helping them. Lets see how he feels about living at home when he looses his job just like a lot of other people have in the recession and has nowhere to go.
and clearly he must also be a medical expert on depression. He clearly knows the real cure to depression. According to him all you have to do to cure depression is to just stop being all sad, get over it go out and get a job and move out. why didn’t I think about that. I am well in to my 20′s and I live at my moms house. As for the people just don’t move out because they are lazy and they don’t want to deal adult responsibilities. that is such a bullshit general statement. I have a job I pay rent,cellphone,car insurance, car payment, and credit card bill. I also attend college. I believe that anyone living at home past 18 and not paying rent is a sorry excuse for a human even if you are saving money for a place of your own you still need to contribute if you are going to live there. when ever people make statements about people that live at home all they are really doing is painting an image of the kind of person they are. When guys like the author make such a statement they sound like a douche bag alpha male type and when a women says they will never date a guy just because he lives at his moms house they just look like gold digging attention whores who couldn’t stand not being able to live off a man. Anyway how is the cancer that is the human race supposed to be able to spread if people stay living at home. As far as the so called points you try to make..
1.Total and abject emasculation. This one is only true for asshole people like you
2. Total and abject emasculation. yeah this might be true for you, but I do what I want and come and go as I please I am my own person my parents realize I a am an adult and if I were to go on some week long road trip yeah I would let my mom know where I am going, but only as a courtesy be I wouldn’t want her to worry. this however might have been true for you because maybe your parents are controlling power hungry assholes.
3.Stunted adult growth. this too is full of shit. I have bills that have to be paid. I would loose my car if I make my car payment. I would loose my cellphone service if I didn’t pay the cellphone bill. then you say “There is no substitute for living in the real world without the safety net of always having a roof over your head” then you say “in most cases, we know that we could always stay with family in that event rather than sleep in a car” and go on to say that you would rather be homeless then move back home. Even though you would not use it that is still a safety net. Also how does living at home where you have an address (something most job require. don’t believe me just try getting a job without one then you can comment on that) make you more of a failure than being homeless and living out of your car. But like I said before maybe you’re parents are assholes and that is why you would never move back.
4.Guaranteed beta status. This is only true for douche bag alpha male types and the women that fall for the alpha male bullshit. the point alone assumes that I would want to move out so I could have the Alpha male status. I don’t want to be a alpha male because every alpha male type I have ever known is a asshole. kinda leads me to think that the a in alpha male stands for asshole.
5.High likelihood of becoming “tolerant”. what a ignorant douchebag asshole statement. being tolerant does not make you a pussy. you should pull you’re head out of your ass and realize that not everyone can be a pinnacle of achievement such as your self. some people make the wrong decision with good intentions. or maybe some other pinnacle of achievement stole their idea and got rich while they got screwed. how about you prove you’re success and put up a video where you give your name and some other information so we can verify your success. but we all know that won’t happen.
6.Your life becomes a parade of excuses. This only applies to the kind of people that like to make excuses this is not true for every person that lives at home as an adult.
7.Men are not attracted to girls who live under their fathers’ roofs. you are so full of shit on this one. I guarantee that if you met a hat ass women you wouldn’t give a crap if she lived at her parents house. especially if she was in to you. This is pretty much true for all men because women have pair of breasts and a vagina. as for a unattractive women. Moving out wouldn’t magically make them attractive.
as for the “I’m just here until I find a job/place. That works for about 2 months” no it doesn’t. in this economy jobs can be real hard to find. By simply having the qualifications for your old job might make you over qualified for the kind of jobs that are available.
and the “I’m writing a novel. Give me a fucking break” you seem to really give writers and English major’s a hard time. could it be that you wrote this to vent because you were a failed English major or writer (you do have a blog which kinda implies you like to write.) why do you hate English major’s and novelist’s anyway. With out them there would be no English teachers or books for that mater.
and yeah I admit to living at home and no it does not knock me down one rung lower. I take care of the elderly people with Alzheimer’s for a living. a job that pays very little. In fact so little people rarely work there for more than few months at the most because you barely make enough Money to live on. I do it because I like helping people, but because of the pay I can’t continue the job for much longer. That’s why I am going to college so I can get a better job. because companies have the stupid dumb shit idea that piece of paper not your skills determines you ability to do a job. What is it that you do for a living that makes you the pinnacle of achievement. for all I know you are so successful because you are the next Bernie Madoff and you are scamming people out of their money. you can define a person by what their definition of success is.
P.S. attacking my use of grammar does not prove me wrong
If your resume is written in the same manner that this comment was written, need we even say more?
Real quick- Re: bills, if you’re paying rent why not pay it to a landlord instead of your parents? Could it be that your parents are giving you a sweetheart deal better than section 8 housing? In other words you are not capable of paying actual rent.
Like I said, when you live with your parents, the reason is just one of many in a parade of excuses.
“you should pull you’re head out of your ass and realize that not everyone can be a pinnacle of achievement such as your self. some people make the wrong decision with good intentions. or maybe some other pinnacle of achievement stole their idea and got rich while they got screwed.”
Excuse. Excuse. Excuse.
“In this economy jobs can be real hard to find.” For epic failures, maybe.
“I don’t want to be a alpha male because every alpha male type I have ever known is a asshole.” By asshole you mean we succeed at things that you fail at, e.g., living independently and being attractive to attractive women?
“This is pretty much true for all men because women have pair of breasts and a vagina.”
Babboons have breasts and vaginas too. I guess beggars can’t be choosers.
Everyone, absolutely, suffers their parents later in life if they leave them too early. Being away early and ‘shocked’ into life can cause children to continue their mother’s and father’s poor ways of living and loving. Living with or near parents benefits humanity, forcing one to learn them well and live with their wisdom, and know their weakness.
The standards of society, sadly, recoup and re-spawn the same ways of living time and time again, while maintaining control; this by our kids being pushed from the nest and into usurers’ hands. In order to grow, as a society and culture, we must understand the people who raised us to better our understanding of ourselves, our position as citizens, and the rights we have as human beings.
The faster a person tears themselves away from the nest, the quicker they repeat the ignorance of the nest, and cement cultural boundaries. (Most important in America at this time, there is a phenomenon termed Cradle Learned Racism, a racism that begins in childhood in the south and upon ‘escaping’ the bed, the child rejects their racist family, and insulates themselves–they themselves becoming bigots of bigots.)
To activate a meaningful life, to begin responsibly, one most usually first finds a source of wisdom and guidance outside of their family who guides them slowly back to their family as a source of wisdom, or art, and a source of nurtured health. Some find this source in a shrink, some in a priest, shaman, rabbi, teacher, music teacher, professor; the key human beings to inspire us to our best. I found mine in a poet:
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
–LARKIN
Now, if I lived Philip Larkin’s life as a poet: without marrying, without producing the work he longed to produce; with his inability to be around women and men for lengths of time without needing to leave; I’d agree in entirety with the last two lines. But, as lives pulse and course their ways ahead, and rarely behind, the first few stanzas, rather, why the first few stanzas apply to your parents, before you leave, will shape your path in a way that grows your strengths with theirs and leaves their weaknesses as comic, tenable, and available to everyone(sometimes to the benefit of your parents).
Recently, on NPR, a reporter gave us a wonderful statistic that more than a third of early nest jumpers are shoveled out of debt by their parents. (just a thought, for all you who will be helping your parents drink food through a tube and pay for their diapers. You probably, statistically, deserved it.)
Oh, Colin! What on earth could your parents have done that you would abandon them in their old age and infirmity? Surely you aren’t implying that you would let your parents rot in their own filth instead of helping them in any way? They presumably wiped and clothed your ass for years and raised you to an age where you were able to expose yourself to enough poetry to form preferences, ‘intelligent’ enough to have those preferences, and the leisure time and wherewithal to bitch about how wretched they were to you on the Internet. Sorry your parents fought, buddy. The word ‘ingratitude’ comes to mind.
PS- That Larkin poem you like is truly, truly awful and amateurish. I can only imagine that he was a lonely, miserable old bastard that nobody wanted to be around.
I must say I am highly offended, but you aren’t completely off the mark. I majored in Psych and raked up a lot of student loan debt. I need to be making at least $5000 more to move out. It is an epic fail. I HATE being in this situation and daydream about the day I leave. What you seem to neglect to realize is that a lot of people don’t want to be in this position. The economy sucks at present time. When we pick our majors at 20 years old we still feel invincible. Nobody tells you how hard getting a job in your field is going to be. Some people just end up stuck in this crappy situation. For me it’s either childhood bedroom or cardboard box.
Your arguments are semi-relevant, except for the critical one: “Nobody tells you how hard getting a job in your field is going to be”. Sorry, but there’s a lot of info out there and people willing to help you find out how close or far your degree is to basket weaving’s (zero) job prospects.
BTW, keep hating your situation, to motivate yourself to get out of it… just think about how bad it would be to end up a spinster!
Wow Colin, what garbage.
Let me get this straight: by leaving my parents’ house when I was, you know, an adult, I’m MORE likely to adapt their negative habits?
Where did you learn how to reason? That doesn’t make any sense at all, and I highly doubt you have a shred of actual evidence to support that claim. It’s an idea that wandered into your brain, you chose to believe it, and now you’ll preach it like gospel.
I have a hard time fathoming how you can possibly make a connection to which 12×12 room your bed is in with understanding your rights as a human being or your responsibiltiies as a citizen. If anything, the jackass who lives with his parents for a protracted period of time is only barely a citizen because he isn’t paying property taxes which funds civic engagements and schools. The person who is in touch with civics is the person who is actually a full member of society and head of his own household, not the kid who can’t afford rent.
You want to talk about growing? Start with growing the hell up and moving out.
Also, check this pandering appeal to openness, growing and tearing down “cultural boundaries” and all of that other hippy crap at the door. I’m a conservative. My parents made some mistakes – everybody does – but I would be honored to repeat their life. If leaving the nest early makes me half as good as my mother or half as successful as my father then I’d consider that a raging success. On the other hand, if I sat around quoting poetry and singing coom-bye-yah in my parents’ basement, I’d hang myself.
well said…
I hardly think you’re entitled to even speak.
You’re a pretentious little douchebag who let mommy and daddy pay for your tuition trying to pass yourself off as “hard” or someone who has “a pair.” Lol, get real you’re a joke. Squandered your inheritance? You’re a rich little fuck that got a pass in life and now you’re making a mockery of others. That is really difficult to achieve isn’t it? Get a life pal.
Would you like me to scan my W-2′s?
I make enough money to afford a house and pay student loans, if I had them. Since I don’t, I squander it on spoiling my wife with expensive dinners and bottles of 21 year-old scotch.
I could afford to live on my own with a third of the pay I make.
But that’s not the point, and this isn’t about me because I don’t live with my parents. Most of the people at whom I directed this post (i.e., the people I was thinking about who inspired me to write this) have 9-5 jobs and earn comparable wages as I do. Their parents also paid their tuitions.
There is such a thing as real necessity, and there’s a thing of imagined necessity, and then there’s such a thing as the choice to live at home.
Learn to differentiate. It’s an important critical thinking skill.
w2 from your dads business….
I’m 31 living with parents, does anyone have any questions they want to ask me.
Have you been single for several years, despite perhaps not wanting to be? Delay as much as possible telling a date you’re still living with your parents?
Are you starting to develop some anti-social behavior, perhaps mild bitterness and less-than-perfect hygiene?
Get scared and defensive when people start asking you when you plan to go out on your own? How about if they start reminding you your parents won’t live forever?
Don’t, please don’t, if you care at all about not only your parents, but also the rest of your family and friends, and society in general, plan deep down to stay at home ‘forever’. Otherwise, get ready to enter Living Hell and being an official, permanent Epic Fail to everyone willing to tolerate you!
Sure is Ayn Rand faggotry round hurr
So, I moved out at 18, went to college, and so on. Now I have a job at a prep school and live on campus – and my father is thinking about getting a job there and moving in next door. Is this the same as living with my parents, and does it carry the same problems?
@Puzzled-
No. Generally speaking, “living with your parents” implies they own the premises, pay (or have already paid) the majority of the cost of ownership of the premises, and if your mother lives there too, she probably cooks for you and does your laundry.
Also, I forget if I qualified this, but it’s okay to live with your parents if they move in to your place.
I guess I could summarize this entire post by saying: take care of your damn self.
I live in my parents basement, I wrote a song about it…
Hey Emach, you win at trolling! I think the current percentages are at 80% of current college graduates moving back home. Eat a dick douchebag, I’m so happy you felt like you are a better person due to the fact that you graduated in a better economy. Don’t bother replying, I won’t read it, and your blog = epic fail. Have a shitty day =)
80% of people who majored in something stupid like Tim Weaver and his degree in Creative Writing, maybe. Or 80% of whiners like you.
Oh well. The fact that the vast majority of college graduates, as you claim, do move back with their parents, the fact remains that doing so means this majority has failed to live as independent adults and are therefore epic fails. I suppose your line of thinking is that if everybody fails then it’s not a fail? Maybe it’s that flawed thinking that puts you in your predicament. Have a nice day.
Wow you sound like an angry person…. in the real world people dont really care were you live. Im 26 and i live at home and i work full time and my mom has a big house and she is disabled… i guess im a loser
I don’t care whether or not you’re a loser. But you are one all the same. Move out.
Jeez at least he works and he probably pays half the rent Im thinking you should pay all the rent and help your mom in everything if you are living there and also do all the chores in the house and cook I think that wouldn’t be wrong then if he does all that,on her mom’s house
I would respect your post so much more if you gave your background, something along the lines of I was kicked out of my parents house at 16, had to work my way through college etc..something to that effect. So do share with us your journey to independence. But know, if your parents supported you in ANY WAY after age 18, you loose all credibility. The journey to independence is alot shorter if you were well capitalized from the start. So do share with the Epic Failures, hows the view from the high horse your parents left you with? But if that’s not the case, share with me, the tale of your struggle.
i had a severe nerve injury while studying at uni that prevented me from driving/studying/working and made daily tasks extremely difficult, (during which time my brother passed away from an accident also). By the 3rd year of the disabilty without work or study, the psycological effects had started to show. if I continued to push the injury too hard I would lose the use of my left hand. eventually I was throwing up at my part time job from the pain to get money to keep my studies going, because I was unable to get assistance for fuel/gas to attend classes. Eventually I was able to go back to uni and finish but had to move back in with my parents during the recovery and bereavement period. – and I will have to pay off my uni loan soon as well. You sir, have aproached this topic in a vey small minded way. I hope that one day you experiance a side of life that is beyond your control – and I hope people treat you the same way as you have done here.
Based on the number of dimwitted comments I’m getting to this effect, I really wish I had spelled it out more clearly: you’re an epic failure if you choose to live with your parents when you have other legitimate options.
Since you took the time to write up this response, I can legitimately assume that you care what random guys on the internet think about you and more generally that you seek validation from others. Want some advice? Stop that shit. It’s only making you weaker.
But since you took the time, I’ll say it: I forgive you, James. Your circumstance absolves you from failing by living with your parents. Anyone who nearly dies (presumably in a car wreck), or is diagnosed with cancer, or some other shitty event that physically prevents you from living normally, gets a pass on this charge.
Unless of course this “accident” you describe was your fault. In that case, you should probably let the guilt of your brother’s death torment you forever until it finally drives you to suicide. Or instead, find an outlet that actually works, like a priest or a therapist, instead of lashing out anonymously on internet blogs as a coping mechanism.
Cheers!
that’s sad james I am so sorry In my culture you expect to live with your parents until you get married but of course dignity tells you you need to pay for half of the stuff or if you can pay for everything and help as much as you can around the house.I got sick too I got a very extreme case of Adrenal Fatigue and Hypothyroidism and a form of OCD Horrible ,Im getting treatment Doctors don’t know how to diagnose hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue
Im telling you is so debilitating I had to move back with my parents.And I didn’t have a good relationship with them my mom was physically abusive towards me for years my dad didnt care and he always prefered my brother,If i say something about my brother who doesn’t suffer from anything but laziness they would tell me is not my business.
I am really praying to get better and Im learning all I can about my condition so I can get better and move out. I just told mi dad that he needs to tell my brother to find a job and to help around the house he yelled at me telling me is none of my business.I told him I can’t work right now because of my illness people don’t know until it happens to them.Do you really think I would want to live on this house seeing how my parents spoiled my brother to death hell no.
I seriously think this blog has major holes in it indeed
1) where is the writer from I will make a guess at America… maybe Im wrong.
I agree people make excuses for not moving out and free load off their parents, I am a university student myself ( Im from Scotland)
I understand it is the general custom for kids to move out and go to college/ university in the the USA straight after school…. generally speaking ?
I would like to say stop dictating how things should be everywhere as they are in the USA. Thats why I have more respect for that blogger that made that comment about Brazil … the world is different , embrace it.
I am from Scotland, it is completely different , many students stay at home to study it does not mean they are free loaders they have a job and pay rent but literally buying renting a house in Scotland is much dearer in Scotland as it is in America so do your research the recession has left people in a position they cannot afford to move out !!!!!! , literally !!!
I would have more respect for the writer if he was not so close minded about somethings
number 1 )money! weigh up how much time university requires for study, how much you have to work a part time job that fits in with university … working all the hours under the sun whilst trying to get a degree in anything atall will only cause you to fail your classes and working a crappy job you have no incentitave to go back to university. I am not looking down on those types of job what I mean being so focused on making money at uni is pointless… youve got plenty of time after your degree to make money, your degree should be your priority
A smart,bright and intelligent person should be given every chance to go to university… going to university means just going to university that is all.
University students should be focused on your studies having to worry about money is a problem for alot of students I know but it is down to students to be smart with money.
“English Degrees ar stupid” shaking my head … tell that to your English teacher no degree is stupid it is knowledge gained through fucking working your butt off as I am currently doing, I am 20 live with my mum I am moving out at 24 pay rent and contribute to the house so Im an epic failure…. ? no it just means I am starting out trying to pay my way at home thats all it means no more no less.
You dont sound that big youve just got a job nice house wife… big deal plenty of men have done that its not going to impress every woman just because you can afford to treat them to expensive dinners… I want to focus on my degree and doing well.
Sorry but a man has to have more than just money such things like
a) decency
b) more respect for woman that thinking they are all going to fall at his feet cos he has money and a god complex
C)affectionte and loving nature not being afraid to kiss her and show her he loves her ( I am not talking fairy tale princessromace her just showing her she is loved and not being cold when you dont need space sorry but no woman wants a permantly cold man but one who is human who has his off days like everyone else but shows her how much he loves her on the good days)
you clearly only looked at university for the purpose of getting a good job…. you missed about 90 percet of the point its also a huge enriching life experience
I actually agree with you on what your saying about making your own way in the world but your small minded approach makes it difficult for others to take to you for example the whole tolerance thing
well next time you fuck up it we will make it hell for you shall we ? making mistakes is part of being human as long as you learn from them
What a meandering piece of shit this comment was. I hope your defense of a major in English isn’t indicative that you are one. If it is, I would strongly suggest putting in some overtime at your local grocery store so that you might make assistant manager before you’re 30. Your English career has an insurmountable way to go. Or does this poor writing pass muster in Scotland? No wonder you’ve been colonized. Jesus.
There’s too much bullshit to respond to here, so I’ll just touch upon a few things.
“you clearly only looked at university for the purpose of getting a good job…. you missed about 90 percet of the point its also a huge enriching life experience”
My sister’s roommate at Boston University was a double major in English in Philosophy who said the same thing to her. “University is about learning. If you wanted a job you should have just gone to trade school. I’m enriching my life!”
This girl’s name is Beth, or, Ugly Ugly Beth as I called her because she was ugly and cut her hair like a boy. She majored in philosophy (LOL) and scored lower than my sister on the GRE logic section because there is no substitute for pure intelligence, which as you can probably tell runs in my family in spades.
My sister has a career in medicine, is married to a stand-up guy (he flies planes), and has a beautiful daughter.
Ugly Ugly Beth, whose life was enriched by her learning experience and double major in English and Philosophy, lives with her parents in a condo in Hackensack and works a telemarketing job. She has attempted suicide at least once.
When my sister wakes up in the morning, I suspect she’s a lot happier than Ugly Ugly Beth, just as when I wake up in the morning, I’m a lot happier than you are, because I did the smart thing and went to college for 4 years so I could have a career that I like for the next 40 instead of feeling great about my degree that I got for learning’s sake for 4 years and doing bullshit for the next 40 and living with my parents because English majors are a dime a fucking dozen and bullshit doesn’t pay.
As far as your comments about women, boy, you have a lot of learning to do. Please go read all of Roissy’s work. You’re an English major, right? You love reading. Link is on the right.
RE: “I actually agree with you on what your saying about making your own way in the world but your small minded approach makes it difficult for others to take to you for example the whole tolerance thing”
I think I preempted the “you’re close minded” argument in my original piece, didn’t I. I must be a fucking oracle, some kind of wizard genius prophet, to have seen that one coming. And despite the fact that I predicted it and said you’d do it, you did it anyway.
No, kid. I’m not close-minded. I’m doing you a giant favor. I’m telling it like it fucking is, which is more than your parents apparently ever did for you if they let you major in English.
That’s life. If you spend even one second of your life pondering whether or not you like the rules, that’s a second you’ve wasted. Don’t bother worrying about whether you like them or don’t like them, or whether they’re fair or unfair. Just play by them and play to win, like I have, like I’m telling you how to with this blog. The answer is: MOVE OUT OF YOUR MOTHER’S HOUSE. Living on your own is significantly more enriching and encouraging to your growth as a person than passing university courses in English which require barely more than a pulse.
Have a nice life!
The truth is that the people who still live with their parents into their 20′s and beyond are usually doing so because they have epicly failed in some manner.
Hey, some of us are just late bloomers. I lived with my parents until I was 28, then I met and soon moved in with the woman I eventually married and had two kids with. We have had a house for over 10 years and have less than 9 and a half years to go on our mortgage.
I’m guessing the author is bitter because he has never been fucked and would rather blog than actually go out and meet girls. what a piece of shit
Brittany baby, why the angry face?
You are right, though. I have never been fucked. Since I’m a man, I do the fucking.
Ya’ll niggers postin’ on a troll blog.
Could these arguments have any more logical holes in them? Could they possibly ignore economic reality and facts anymore? I doubt it. Are some people useless excuse makers? Of course! Does that include everyone? Def not its that simple.Especially in our economic times parents are losing their homes to foreclosures etc never mind their kids. I was just lucky enough to graduate at the time i did that allowed me to get a good paying job right away. No matter what the field many companies now are not only not hiring but also laying off. I have known of countless people that had great successful jobs for years and have been laid off in these economic times. Anyone that thinks graduating means an instant 50 000 plus a year job needs a reality check. Also thinking they will NEVER lose their job? Yeah i like a land of all rainbows and fairies too. Bottom line if they arent hiring they arent hiring, thats a fact. Does that mean no one will get a job? Sure some will many wont. Are they a faliure because a company is laying people off and cant afford their own place working some minumum wage job? hmm doesnt hold much water. Speaking in any absoulutes is a guaranteed epic failure of an argument.I moved out at 19 didnt have my mommy and daddy even help me through university throughout my schooling i lived on my own. Does that make me any better? Heck no just a bit more poor, would have rather given my rent money to my parents to help them out but instead had to give it to a slimy landlord but that was the situation at the time.Bottom line is there are too many know it alls out there that are so “successful” yet have hours to dedicate to a blog, pretty obvious when a blogger is just purposely trying to incite bad reactions by their use of absolutes such as EVERYONE of them is an epic failure. Epic failure reminds me of a term a 15 year old would repeatedly say but anyways thats irrelevant. Almost as irrelevant as most of the so called points made by the blogger. While i agree with some of bloggers points many of them are not based in reality and are way too sweeping and generalizing for it to have any real validity in my opinion.
Thank you, Kari, for illustrating how stupid people think. Or don’t think, as the case may be.
Let me show you how your comment came to life.
You read my post, or rather, you probably skimmed it. Once done, you thought to yourself:
“Wow, this guy is mean! I don’t like him! I don’t like what he’s saying here!”
You translated this thought into the following statement, which is how you opened your comment:
“Could these arguments have any more logical holes in them? Could they possibly ignore economic reality and facts anymore?”
You then proceeded to use my blog as your emotional tampon whilst completely disregarding the fact that every single one of your whines was preemptively addressed in the body of the post. I was able to preemptively address them because stupid people are easy to predict and it is quite simple to guess what kind of comments they’re going to write. “Boohoo the economy sucks!” Yawn.
Okay, Kari. Let me show you how to respond to “points” in a written work. I say “points” because they’re not really points. They’re statements of emotion that dribbled out of your head on to the internet.
“I was just lucky enough to graduate at the time i did that allowed me to get a good paying job right away.” Typical self-hating liberal thinking. In order to share camaraderie with the proletariat, everything you have must be attributed to luck rather than good decisions or personal qualities that separate you from life’s failures. In your case, you might be right – it’s just luck – but anyone who throws themselves at the mercy of fate for all their success in life is, in my view, a failure – and in the vast majority of those cases, these people end up living in their parents’ basement, working on a novel, and whining on the internet.
“I have known of countless people that had great successful jobs for years and have been laid off in these economic times.” So do I. To my knowledge, not a single one of them moved back in with their parents, because they saved money and prepared for the eventuality of losing their jobs. Periods of unemployment are a fact of life worth preparing for.
“Anyone that thinks graduating means an instant 50 000 plus a year job needs a reality check.” No, “50 000″ jobs are not generally issued at graduation. You have to actually apply for them, interview, and not come off like a tumbling dickweed to acquire one. Oh, also, having a degree the acquisition of which requires the acquisition of applicable job skills – in other words, a B.S. in something that is not a liberal art – usually helps. Point covered in original post.
“Yeah i like a land of all rainbows and fairies too.” Neither rainbows nor fairies have anything to do with moving out of your parents house, but that’s a cute idea.
“Bottom line if they arent hiring they arent hiring, thats a fact.” No, Kari. That’s an excuse. Once in a while on Saturday mornings after breakfast there’s not really anything else on so we watch a few minutes of 16 & Pregnant. It’s a great show. When one of the girl’s mothers asked the delinquent alcoholic baby daddy why he was incapable of finding a job – any job – in the last 9 months since the pregnancy started, his answer was, “I applied all over the place. I even applied to McDonald’s and they told me I was overqualified.” He could have just said, “Nobody’s hiring, that’s a fact!” Same shit, different flies.
“Are they a faliure because a company is laying people off and cant afford their own place working some minumum wage job?” In a word, yes.
“hmm doesnt hold much water.”
Why not, exactly? You seem to imply there’s some kind of logic involved in this comment of yours, so why don’t you actually make an argument instead of just stating that it doesn’t hold water?
Don’t worry, I’ll do it for you. You see, based on the next statement (“Speaking in any absoulutes is a guaranteed epic failure of an argument.”) I can tell for certain that you’re one of those obnoxious liberals who is uncomfortable holding anyone accountable for anything. These people, many of whom are atheists, nevertheless love the expression “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” In my view, this is a cowardly position – the fear that someone else may judge you inhibits you from judging anyone else. If you are a coward, then of course you will deride me for declaring that an adult of sound body and mind living in an industrialized western world who cannot take care of himself is a failure by the standards of society and accuse me of “stereotyping” or “speaking in absolutes” or “making generalizations.”
How about you grow a pair and learn that it is not only acceptable to judge others but a very critical activity in keeping a society civil and cohesive? If we can’t judge someone for failing to provide for themselves and their family, why stop there? Let’s not judge criminals either.
“Bottom line is there are too many know it alls out there that are so “successful” yet have hours to dedicate to a blog” I must be amazing. I can afford a mortgage payment and I also have time to write blog posts. Does that make me a better person?
“pretty obvious when a blogger is just purposely trying to incite bad reactions by their use of absolutes such as EVERYONE of them is an epic failure.” Actually, Kari, I’m just telling it like it is. I’m exposing you to a truth you don’t like to confront because you’re terrified that you also might be an epic failure for a different reason so it’s better if we just not call anyone an epic failure for any reason. That way, you’re totally safe. Am I right or what?
“While i agree with some of bloggers points many of them are not based in reality and are way too sweeping and generalizing for it to have any real validity in my opinion.”
Kari, honey, your entire comment could have been summarized quite succinctly like this:
“I am a liberal who does not believe in judging anyone, so I dislike this blog post and I feel that it is wrong for you to be mean to people on the internet.”
Thank you for adding value to the internet.
It’s painfully obvious that “eunuch”, oh sorry I did it again, “emach” is overcompensating through being an internet douchebag.
He feels that if he is judgmental of others, then he himself must be good. Totally illogical. He feels as if he is rude, he is better than his target. Totally illogical, again.
I don’t spend my time reading his pathetic waste-of-a-life blog. But if he ever reads any of my comments here it would be great for him to know that no matter how cool he thinks he is, the fact that he posts this garbage is proof positive he is scum. He makes the argument for me.
Yes you can always tell when a know it all cannot tolerate opposing views because they lower themselves to hurling insults because they do not have much else. They immediately respond a comment that you are “stupid”. Actually made me laugh out loud
because that is how know it alls are. In their mind they are always right no one else could possibly be and are therfore stupid. haha. In addition to having the amazing talent of knowing everything blogger is also psychic as he claims in more than a few instances to know exactly what I think and feel.Hmm use those psychic skills to win the lotto and share with the rest of us useless people that are so beneath you will ya? 
I mean after all we are sure to all be epic failures in one way or another. Well except for you or course lovey.”I’m exposing you to a truth you don’t like to confront because you’re terrified that you also might be an epic failure for a different reason so it’s better if we just not call anyone an epic failure for any reason. That way, you’re totally safe. Am I right or what?” Really? Must be the psychic in you again. Case in point classic know it all, well thinks they are anyways. I could copy and paste more examples of your psychic abilities but why bother. Facts are facts and sometimes companies are not hiring I mean you actually dispute this? Laughable really, I mean are you going to say the fact that green is a color isnt a fact too? Or maybe you are one of those philosophical types that all reality is subjective? Also not willing to budge from your original position whatsoever even if it means twisting words and making outrageous claims to make it appear like you are 100 percent right. I stick to my original position that youre line of logic and reasoning could be discredited in a number of ways. Im not going to change my mind either. Cant stronghold people into thinking exactly the way you do. May work for some people that are naive enough to not see twisting and manipulation of facts but you wont change my mind. I have psychic abilities about you also. Anyways I can see from your psychic assumptions you are not capable of a sound debate so no point in responding to me but then again Im sure you love reading youre own type or what is also known as the type that loves to talk just to hear themselves speak. Or better yet why not try the grammar nazi tactic and point out all my grammar and spelling errors? If that doesnt satisfy you, you could also once again somehow twist more of my words into something else and continue to make sweeping generalizations etc.. Nah youve been there done that. Either way ive said my piece and am done with ya. I hope you arent like this in the real world cuz know one likes a know it all. Just saying. tootaloo “honey”
This is the most useless comment I’ve ever seen on this blog or anywhere else. Thanks for contributing.
Well lets take the situation of a former co worker of mine. This guy graduated from a program applied for several jobs. None of the companies were hiring for this line of work at the time. Believe it or not it was not basket weaving. Because there was a ton of competition for this position each manager had told him they were not looking at any new applicants as they had a backlog pile of applications in the hundreds and they looked at applications in the order they were received. According to you the fact that they werent hiring ANYONE at the time must have made my co worker personally a total loser. One of your many flaws in logic. Anyways in the meantime he decided to take a job that was not what he wanted just to make a living, pay was very low but I say well atleast he was doing something and not just bumming off the welfare system. He decided to do this until a position in the company opened up. In the meantime because of the low pay he lived with his mom and helped her out with rent rather than give that money to a stranger and make them richer. This was planned to be a very temporary situation until he was able to get a higher paying job. How this can be construed that that makes him a failure is beyond me. Anyways 5 months later the company called him said they were impressed with his resume and offered him a job. I probably complain about people that take advantage of the welfare system and others more than you do in my conversations with others. However I am reasonable enough to differentiate between when someone is just lazy and useless and when someone is truly trying but just needs some temporary help. You dont seem to have a balanced view at all. Then again I know your sole purpose is to write an obnoxious blog with the purpose of trying to tick people off what is also known is cyberland as trolling. I dont think you even believe half of the illogical comments you make. You could really use a class in deductive reasoning 101: all cats have 4 legs+ dogs have 4 legs does not = all cats must be dogs. Anyways I will no longer be posting here as I wont be a part of bringing traffic to a bloggers site that lacks intelligence, logic, and reasoning of the most basic level.
Doesn’t anyone know what a paragraph is?
Kari I agree with you what if the person got a debilitating illness what do I do? Kill myself because I can’t contribute to society like I was able to do before? I am the first one to say there’s lazy people that don’t want to work and be nothings that bums but are there not exclusions to that rule?
What if the person works and stay in their parents house and pay all the rent and do all the chores I mean is the person still a lazy bum?
Thankyou to the original blogger!!! Your comments are so on point. I am so sick and tired of people making excuses for their “epic failures”. If a person cannot do the basic of providing for ones self, which includes keeping a roof over your grown ass head, then yes you are an epic failure. Oh I love the ones who wait until they get married to move out. So now you have someone to split the rent with “a roommate” and that is somehow acceptable.
Get a f—- life and grow the hell up. and stop trying to get people to feel sorry for your lazy asses.
also, I would like to say, after dating a 29 year old man who lived at home, everything that the blogger stated is amazing true. He relied on his parents, particularly his mother to make all of his decisions. His mother called him when he was at my house constantly. His excuse for staying at home was, just as the blogger stated, Im saving to buy a house,. Yet he was perfectly content with letting me handle all of the adult responsibilities while he saved for this house. Ladies, if a grown man is living at home, and has never left home, RUN. He will not be capable of being the real man that you need him to be.
This is absolutely right!
Wow I’ve never heard such close minded insensative and intolerant bullshit.
This whole diatribe could have been summed up in about 2 or 3 sentences.
I guess that’s the whole point of internet blogging but most of the time I can’t tell if people on here are just trolling for a reaction or they really are going out of their way to be assholes on a paticular subject matter.
I really wouldnt take much stock into what some internet blogger thinks. Some “keyboard warrior” who spews a buch of insenseative intolerant bullshit on the internet that he would never say to someone’s face because he’s too chickenshit (like pretty much all internet bloggers)
It’s easy to be to insult, put others down, and act like Billy Badass when you are hiding behind a keyboard.
All of that aside, what I really don’t understand is why people get so worked up about something that does not concern them at all. I don’t understand why someone would care so much where someone lives or who they live with. Whoever wrote this blog clearly cares a little too much about something that ultimately doesnt really matter or effect him.
It boils down to this. These facebook friends of his or whatever are doing something that he does not approve of and he is butthurt so he writes a butthurt blog about it. It’s really that simple. God Forbid people live their lives differenty. Perhaps this guy would enjoy living in North Korea.
While I don’t live at home (moved out when I was 20) I have many friends who still do and I honestly couldnt care less. They are not living with me eating my food or muching off my earnings it doesnt effect me so why should I care?
Wow, I’ve never heard such a driveling appeal to togetherness in … wait, I hear them all the time because our culture is awash with non-judgmental universal unitarians who haven’t even the faintest concept that the most dangerous thing a civilization can do is be laissez-faire on subjects that are important.
One of those subjects that is important is the fact that millions of young Americans are not taking responsibility for themselves and are instead prolonging childhood by years if not decades by living with their parents and avoiding the responsibility that comes with ensuring that there is a roof over their heads.
By taking your worthless, cowardly stance – that is, to refuse to judge anyone as unworthy even when they are – we are allowing this behavior to propogate. I don’t think it’s good for anyone involved – not the child, not the parents, and not everyone else who has to rub shoulders with these wash-out do nothings who can’t even maintain their own household sometimes as late as their 40′s. On everything, its critically important to the survival of everyone that we stop this “anything goes” crap and start calling failures failures.
Grow a pair and start contributing to the world.
i really don’t understand why everyone is getting so upset about this post. Use your own intelligence to ascertain that he isn’t talking about people with uncontrollable life circumstances or people from other cultures ect. No one has the time/desire to sit around and make some huge extensive PC list to include all of the exceptions and variants of people living at home. use your damn common sense people, you know what he means. I myself do not live at home, I’m still in college and my mom is helping me pay for rent. Im also an asian american female from a war torn country who had some “Excusable” circumstances arise that would typically prevent most people from going to college at all let alone go on to live a ragingly successful life.. now i say these things only for the benefit of those that claim “you wouldn’t understand bc your privileged and white” not for sympathy. What the author is trying to bash is “bullshit excuses” for not moving out, he’s not actually bashing people that live at home ( at least i don’t think so). your actually doing me a huge favor by posting this. My parents do not speak English and have never stepped foot into a classroom so they didn’t have the ability to give me the same advice as this you received so i got most of my instruction fumbling around in the dark, trial and error, and my peers. It didn’t work out so well obviously and things got progressively worse when i attended a liberal arts college where having a clearly defined or “absolute” opinion of any kind was a mortal sin. which futher added to my confusion and turned me into an ineffective and passive person in regards to issues that are indeed very important. i was deluded into thinking that the only line of work that was of any value was something “creative”. I wanted to study law before all of this…then i dated one of those “fight club” types..and my life progressively went to shit. He continuously berated me for being a “sheep” when honestly all i wanted to do was go to college and make enough money to support my parents who bc of their refugee status have a difficult time in society for obvious reasons. He by the way was not living with his parents but was living off of his 20 something year old sister ( which is even worse bc we all know how shitty trying to make it by at that age is). He toted the whole whats the point of life, shun materialism, ect ect and decided to blow his time doing drugs, which evidently is a better alternative. Long story short i ended up with a drug addiction, a shitty degree (well one semester to go) and no idea what to do with my life next aside from sitting around on my ass meditating on how “aware” i am. i was still entertaining the idea of one day becoming a writer or a painter in my ignorance..which by the way i think is a perfectly fine career aspiration if u live and breath literature but i havnt written a short story or a novel in years). Your post has been a wake up call. and i think that was the intention. Everyone around me is too busy being “tolerant” to freaken tell me what an ass im being. I remember my freshman year walking around campus feeling like a total loser conformist for wanting to go into the med or law field and now in retrospect should have done so and painted or whatever on the side. i don’t entirely agree with your post as i do believe there is some value in the liberal arts and i have a few liberal sentiments of my own but im just so sick and tired of it being shoved down our throats and no one is there to be the voice of reason to moderate any of this madness except for a few eccentric dudes on fox news. Sorry to go on for so long but thanks for speaking your mind and saying what others are to scared to say. You truly helped me get some clarity in my own life. And to those of you out there that are not on the “Excused” list you know exactly who you are. stop lying to yourself and everyone else.
*edit* i was not implying that fox news broadcasters are the voice of reason..just saying they are the only opponent to liberal ideologies
also i don’t think the author is implying people that don’t have a job and a home are any less valuable as human beings. he’s just saying if your lying to yourself and making up excuses to live at home and put UNNECESSARY burden on your loved ones you need to get your act together. If your anti-society then go off and build a cabin and grow your own vegetables or something don’t mooch off your family.
Some people have legitimate excuses. unfortunately though most don’t and continuing to condone this behavior only makes it worse for everyone and the person themselves..
i personally know many people living at home still and true there are a few cases where the person is paying their rent and contributing fairly to household chores but id say 8 out of 10 are barely paying rent and don’t do any kind of chores whatsoever. They’re perfectly likable people with admirable qualities. however i have heard financial complaints from their family members. putting your loved ones under strain for no good reason just isn’t very “humanistic” now is it?
I disagree that living at home at all is bad thing. If your pulling your own weight by all means stay with your family. coming home to regroup for a little bit to figure things out is acceptable as well as long as you genuinely have some kind of game plan to get back out there. Life has thrown me some curve balls and a little compassion really helped me get back on my feet when i needed it, but beyond a certain point of crisis it will only hold you back.
I completely agree with emach. I’m now a fan of his. I couldn’t have said it better (as I’m not an English major lol).
[...] name, then someone who knows me in real life might Google my name and stumble upon, for example, this masterpiece. I know several people in real life who live with their parents and are as old as I am. [...]
Are you a guy. Do you have a long term girlfriend.
What a fun read.
I still don’t get how the fact that you own a home and have a job make you anymore worthwhile human being than someone who is living with their parents for one reason or another. You may have more equity and financial where with all, but more worthwhile as a human…not so much. Please enlighten me.
An obvious conservative, Rush Limbaugh following tool. How’s your Tea Party movement going bro?
Im in Hawaii. This is bullshit. I’m the man and I still live at home.
Still live with mom. Age 27, don’t give a sh1t either. None would say any of this to my face. Haha, call me a failure to my face and you’ll get a quick ass whoopin. Judge not less ye be judged. I have my reasons. Got good family life. starting my own business. Economy sucks had to move back in. Whoever made this has a small pen1s and is not content with is own life. Sucks to be you bro. BTW; I know a bunch of guys who are in the same situation has nothing to do with responsibility or ethic (in some cases yes) – work ethic, economic times, upbringing are factors. I never had the most perfect upbringing, but I still can kick any successful college students ass if he called me “worthless” – cheers.
Woah, internet tough guy. Nothing screams success story like threats of “ass whoopin” posted from his mom’s basement.
Every time I get a comment like this it just proves my point again and again. Thanks guys, keep them coming.
First off, the obvious. You were nice to your parents until “the last tuition check cleared.” Meaning mommy and daddy paid for your school, meaning no outstanding student loans. Some, like me, who had to work full time while commuting to school and paying rent just to be able to graduate with 30k in student loans might look upon that as an “epic fail”. If independence = manliness, then I am more manly than you, because I paid for my degree myself, and you were essentially handed yours (I’d bet money you didn’t have to work at school either. You got an “allowance” every month for cheap beer and pink collared shirts along with a care package of food and toilet paper)
But you would disagree. You’d say “hey, they offered to pay for my school, only an idiot would turn down free money just to say they were more of a man.” And, hopefully, you would be smart enough to see my point here.
Would I turn down a free education? No. But I didnt have that option. Just like some people didn’t have the option to go to school at all, and others had to take out 80k in private loans and couldn’t get a job that paid more than 40.
To those people, there are bigger priorities than “proving their manhood” and telling girls they have a shitty apartment. They want to not declare bankruptcy. I know, I know. Personal responsibilty. But no one told us the economy was gonna take a shit when we graduated, that everything except a business degree would be worthless from 2009 to 2012. I personally know guys with JDs who are still waiting tables.
So, yeah. If it’s a choice between saving your credit score and living at home or defaulting because you need to have a shit one bedroom with bad plumbing ten miles from your parents house…that’s a no-brained. Rent = pissing away money. In a state like NJ – you should know – you can’t save money for a house while spending 1000 a month on rent, 300 on utilities, 350 on student loans, 175 on car insurance, 85 on a phone, internet cable groceries yadda yadda all on 45k a year. It’s impossible. I know more people who are stuck in an apartment living paycheck to paycheck than I’ve even HEAR
(* continued, because my cellphone sucks) HEARD of who buy a house straigt out of college. My point, blogger, is that you may be slightly out of touch with the majority, due largely to some of the same issues you’re attacking others for. Your parents gave you things that many other parents either could or would not give their kids, and you took advantage of them. Without the burden or actual, recurring student loan payments (or, possibly, car payments etc), they’re just some abstract thing that people whine about. But that same 350 or 400 or 700 dollars a month is what you were able to save towards a house or rent or whatever.
Now, on to the English thing. I majored in journalism and English. I currently work as a reporter, making practically nothing. That makes me a failure? My first job out of college, which I actually got with my worthless English degree, was a tech writer position with the Department of Defense. Top Secret clearance, good salary, benefits, the whole nine. After a year, i did in fact have a smoking hot girlfriend.
But the job was terrible. I hated my life, every single day. Dreaded getting up, couldn’t stand the sitting in a cubicle doing nothing staring at the wall all day. So I quit. I got a job as a writer for half my old salary. The hot girlfriend left me for a business major stockbroker type – probably someone like you – and I have shitty benefits now. But my life has never been better. Turns out, doing a job I love means more to me than driving a foreign car. Im happy when I get up in the morning. I’m winning awards at my paper, im accomplishing things in the real world, making a difference in my state, and making a name for myself. I learned the girlfriend that left me was in fact a slut, and had been for most of our relationship. Losing her before I married her was a goddamn miracle. And my dad, a lifelong construction worker who sacrificed to pay my first semester’s tuition at community college and get me started, has never been prouder. He reads my articles every day.
So, to recap. Living on your own has nothing to do with manhood. Plenty of irresponsible, immature, wastes of life have their own apartments, and plenty of hardworking, respectable, soon to be lawyers still live at home. And English degrees are no more worthless than business or finance degrees. If you watch movies or tv or read books, shut the hell up. They all come from people who believe there is more to life than money. You eventually have to spend it on something, and thats where creative people like us come in.
“Eunuch”, oh I mean “Emach” YOU ARE THE ONE HIDING BEHIND THE INTERNET! The only reason guys like jojoj don’t tell you to your face is because you act out through this safe little platform. Treat others like you’re such a self-important bitch out IRL and see how quick you get put in your place.
If you don’t care then how did you come across this article. I hope you aren’t a guy.
Pure genius.
You have a sad low threshold for considering genius. That makes you fucking stupid.
I like the opinion, nephew ONE slacker and alcoholic diagnosed with “depression” and collecting disability, causes depression everyone who(m) comes in contact with. Enabling by sick-ass parents. Extended child-abuse and have taken no therapy.
I’ll go 95 percent on your comments, but addressing circumstances is always limited but the death of the parents can’t be a circumstance avoided.
Thanks for having the stones!
Nephew TWO, another sad story.
I could see that, mental issues is a good reason to live with parents. My boyfriend lived with parents into 32 buy is 100% capable of making great money and works very hard. The only bad part is he can’t handle the stress and drinks like a fish and well our relationship is not great because at his age thats not really where a person should be. He also never wants a family which is sad. I even had to move out because he was so controlling with things like the AC and if my daughter had friends over. It was horrible.
Ok I agree with some of what you said, Yes. I do need to move out. I’m 24 and need to move out. I KNOW THAT!!! I’m not retarded, but realistically it’s not exactly cheap to live on your own; I’ve tried it and failed I thought “Hmm, this is enough money, I didnt need to sell my soul to a bank and I ready to try this. Wrong! It lasted like six months! I just kept my budget as tight as I could I was eating Ramen for two weeks straight! If i ever see another cooked ramen cup it will be too soon. I worked my ass off took extra hours even got denied some overtime! I Still fell flat on my face and had to tuck tail my tail between my legs and come home! I lived alone in a one bedroom apt. With my dog and no cable not nothing. We barely had water, gas and electricity, not to mention the costs of gas to and from work, dog food, and my food from the 99€ store! So eat shit you asshole! I tried and that’s better than my loser thirty year old brother who has never left home! And I was a girl living by herself it wouldn’t exactly be smart for me to live on the streets, I’m tiny in size and my dog is the only thing big about me. Plus my mom would tear me a new one if she found out her daughter was sleeping in the streets while her lazy ass son sleeps in her house; free of charge.
My boyfriend lived with his parents till 32. Trust me it will hurt you in relationships and respect more than you know. I struggled and worked hard for a long time and you just have to do what you have to do. At 24 you still have time to get out and not be completely socially awkward in 10 years. I was 19 and a single mom. I couldn’t go to my parents for money because they didn’t have any. I worked making 8.50 to around 11.00 an hour and roomed with others until I moved in with my ex husband. There are always ways. My boyfriends nephew is 22 and we finally got him to move out because it was time. He refuses to go to college, drinks and doesn’t see the point of being on the grid. He finally got at least an under the table job and just moved in with me. He says thinks like “ugh I have to lock the door and carry the keys” and “I don’t want to pay for food”. The other day he said something and he goes “oh my god I sound like your daughter” and I said “exactly, that is why you had to move on your own because you behave like my 13 year old teen and don’t even know it.” It does you more harm. So you save 60K and by a new home… good luck with the emotional scares and try not to become and alcoholic. BTW the 22 year roomie has been living on Ramen for a month. A couple weeks is not much. Temps jobs, online school, sacrifice… called being an adult.
I love this blog! On two separate occasions in the past I have met two grown men, one 37 and one 39, both living at home with their parents, being looked after, cooked for, borrowed their parents car etc. The main excuse was their parents liked them living at home and these guys could save money and spend it on their creative pursuits, ie, it meant they didn’t really have to work and if they did work it was for a few hours a week.
I found out on my first date with each of these guys that they lived at their parents. Did I see them again for a second date? Definitely not!! Huge red flags began waving furiously in my head when I found out this bit of information and it was Mission Abort pretty much straightaway!
They were sweet guys but there is something so incredibly unattractive about a grown man living with his parents out of choice and for the foreseeable future. They live very sheltered lives where they don’t take responsibility for providing their own basic needs… shelter, food, money to live etc. What happens is that this living arrangement creates a grown man with a strange childlike innocence and vulnerability, who is dependent on other adults to take care of him. From my point of view if a seemingly healthy man (mentally, emotionally and physically) refuses to be independent and look after himself then he is simply not a man. I could never ‘stay at his place’, and he would always have to come to my place. There would be such a huge imbalance in the relationship from the outset that it’s not even worth entertaining a relationship with him to begin with. It’s a non-starter. I agree with everything in this blog. There is no excuse for this situation! Men like this should grow some balls and stand on their own two feet or expect to be single for as long as they live with their parents. I feel sad that these guys couldn’t see this, but happy that I could. Always trust your instincts. If something feels wrong then it is wrong.
My boyfriend moved out at 32 and when we first started dating he told me he lived in the west wing of a home with some room mates. Room mates of course being his parents, which I later found out. His excuse was that they needed someone to take care of the house 6 months out of the year while they went up north for the winter. I believed this and I think he did too. Well he has been gone for 4 years and each summer their home is empty and guess what, life goes on, no one to take care of the home 6 months of the year. He also saved a lot of money to put down on his home and has the balls to continue to judge me and say I “financially scare him” although I was a single mom from a poor family. I did pretty darn well for myself and its a giant slap in the face to have a Scottsdale raised kid who lived with mom and dad way to long attempt to judge me. He would not have nearly as much money had he not lived with the folks and personally people, money comes and goes. Watch the Netflix documentary “Happy”. Money is NOT the key to happiness. You live with your parents forever you are going to have relationship issues.
I have a full time job and yet after all my bills are paid for the month I only have about $200 left over. That is NOT enough to live by. Not even enough to live with roommates. Go fuck yourself.
This asshole can eat a bag of dicks. We are in the middle of the worst recession in several decades, and it has no end is sight. And it started right around the date this bullshit was posted, so you still qualify as a prick.
There are no jobs (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/10/college-graduates-full-time-jobs-study_n_1496827.html).
I know plenty of losers who live away from home, but mommy and daddy still pay the bills. Does that make them any more independent or attractive? As Deer Jesus says above me – Go fuck yourself.
Haha…
I love at home and I’m 30 year old male. I am single. Have problems getting a woman. But I bet I’d kick the ass of most of you so called “men” as I study Wing Chun and have done for the past 5 years. Now who’s the “man” after I whopped your ass?
This is the worst thing you can do for yourself. I will give you some tips as a women who has been dating a man for 4 years that moved out when he was 32.
First you might want to lecture her and tell her how to fix her life or finances. You’re not an idiot after all, you do have opinions. Only if you do this you have to be very very gentle or avoid it period. She will not take a person seriously who otherwise had a free hand out that she did not. You will piss her off a lot.
Sorry, I know my man is a man but there is something in the back of my mind that makes me wonder what the hell I’m doing with someone who is 37 who has only been in the real world 4 years. It hurts our relationship big time. He raves and raves to everyone about how great he is with money and its clear to me why he does that, what else can he say to make himself feel like living with his parents that long was worth it. Its just all kinds of awkward and I really don’t know if I can stay with him simply because of his maturity in life. He is smart, successful, but seriously immature in matters that are very important to me at least, such as money is NOT everything. Family before friends.
Move out. 30 is already going to hurt you more than help you.
You know is funny I am from puerto rico and 80% of people here go to college and learn some kind of trade is way harder to live here than in the states. I moved to colorado I didn’t went to college because I couldn’t pass math so I decided to go to school to be a Massage Therapist.my english was very bad I didn’t have nobody and I started to work cleaning hotel rooms then I improved my English and I decided to get my Massage therapist license ,I applied for Massage therapist job and I was able to make 1800 at month that’s less of what my Sister who is a social worker makes in puerto rico.
I was able to pay rent electricity and water my rent was 475 and my utilities were like 100 so is about 575 and food like 200 at month 775.I used public transportation and I was always on time. I guess is harder for people that have kids more expenses and is probably harder if you didn’t study anything at least a trade job. But for me it was pretty easy.Until I got very sick so I think if you have a debilitating illness or any kind of illness and is not laziness then I don’t think you are lazy.but if you are healthy and don’t work and don’t help around the house then that’s wrong.I even think that you could live with your parents if you pay the full rent and helped them with everything on the house I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with that
Perhaps if you spent less time practicing imaginary kung fu fights in your head with other men, and more time trying to improve your attractiveness towards women, you’d have fewer problems attracting women?
I suggest learning “game” as a start.
Oh yeah, and move out of your moms basement.
Well not super nice but yeah I know what you are saying. My bf who moved at 32 had had a ton of hobbies. He compares himself to me and says I should have lots of hobbies and what not. He thinks I’m a weirdo because I don’t fill my days with all these things I love. I get it, and that would be fun but when you are an adult raising a child and trying to pay your bills its hard to find the time for yourself. People can do it, I just couldn’t. You get older, your career advances, kids grow up and you have time for you. Life is not all about me and my needs. Sometimes you have to put those selfish thoughts aside. My favorite is how people say you aren’t an adult until you move out, some of these same people say you aren’t really living till you have kids. I agree. I understand the not having kids thing because I had one and I was DONE. But if I would have never had my daughter I would have been a lot more selfish and I think that all people should experience what it is like to be humbled by something greater than you. Children are the one thing that will make you put something before yourself and your childish wants.
I live at home I’m 22, I feel like shit about it a lot and this article makes me feel even worse … thanks for ruining my night and go fuck yourself.
22 is not so bad, move out.
u mad?
Cela m est extrêmement précieux ! Merci 1000 fois !
Merci pour l’info. Merci 1000 fois ! Amicalement,
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I liked your blog and admire your wisdom. I’m an active, retired 69-yr old woman, happily married. Stressed right now. Three grown children. We own our own home and have adequate investment and pension incomes. Our grown son had to (?) move back in with us at age 45 yrs. That was a year ago. We have recently informed him that he has 10 more months here (end of August) and then it’s out – no matter what is going on with him. He’d made LOTS and LOTS of money selling a business several years ago – then he didn’t work for several years. Lots of spending on himself and on others; lots of travel; a marriage, a child and a divorce 2 years later. He did his own investing all along. Boom, some serious mkstakes with that investing and money was pretty well all gone last year. He still hasn’t been able to find work – why? He needs time to be a father and hike etc! Hah! And he thinks a resume alone will do it. Not for a middle-aged man who hasn’t worked for several years! He also foolishly got wrapped up (obsessed) in conspiracy theories and in the potential of geographic disasters in 2012. (Anything to procrastinate from his real life tasks, right!) And, you are right about being forgiving to others. Even though he’s basically a good man, he always has tended to be rather earthy and not wussy at all. Now, over the past few months, he has discovered SPIRITUALITY and claims that “money is evil” and talks about Eckkart constantly! Hello!? He has 1/2 time custody of a preschooler. One needs money for that, right? Let’s get real here.
Don’t enable him anymore. You can still love him and be his parents without enabling him and at 45 there are limited excuses. Get a room mate, work 2 low paying jobs, figure it out. He needs to know he can’t use you as a fall back. The only thing outside of this would be if he has a mental illness. I hope to god my teen grows up to take care of herself without making me force it on her. I have tried to raise her this way but kids are kids and its not always easy. Put your foot down.
Wow, this guy’s an asshole.
It is obvious to me that this blog was written by a very ignorant close-minded man who had rich parents and a priveledged upbringing, had his parents pay for his education, etc and therefore he now has no idea whatsoever how the other half live.
No. I don’t think living with your parents is a fail. It could be for many reasons.
I do however think that the author of this ridiculous blog is as ignorant as a pot of piss. Hope you are enjoying your fancy job, house etc and living it up whatever the fuck you are doing.
Shame on all those graduates, living with their parents as the ONLY alternative to NOT living in luxery/having a well-paying job.
Get educated, jackass. Unemployment is on the rise. Not everyone has rich moms and dads dragging them through life.
If anything, you are the pathetic one.
That a pretty big assumption based on your perception of what he said.
22 living with fiancee in a nice condo, finished college in instrumentation engineering which I paid for entirely on my own while working full time. 27 year old sister took a M Ed. program courtesy of the parents wallet which everyone who pays attention to any news in this area knows is unemployable and she still lives with mommy and daddy and hates the world. Life is good when you put in the effort. Congratulations OP on putting in hard work to reach your goals
Thanks for making me feel like crap. I’m a 26 year old chick who last year after 3 years of independent living had to move back in with my mom. I had to sell my condo that I owned because my roommate moved out, I could no longer afford my mortgage and couldn’t find a replacement. I felt like a complete loser for having to do that.
I make about 36k a year but that’s before taxes. I’d never be able to afford to live somewhere that was safe with that kind of salary. I pay my mom rent every month, albeit a smaller rent that i had been paying for my mortgage. Not everyone can just get a job making 50k a year. Even if I had planned accordingly and was like “Oh! I should be an engineer, that makes money!” I would have failed because engineering isn’t something I’m good at.
Would I love to live by myself? Yeah. But why would I want to be living in squalor just to say I have my own place, when I could be living in a nice, safe area? No.
I feel like you are being very judgmental. You may have some friends that are insufferable losers. But that doesn’t mean everyone else that lives at home is like your friends. I’m glad you have a high paying job and had parents who could pay your tuition for you. Not everyone does. You can’t demonize people and compare them to your idyllic scenario.
So what you are saying is that:
1/ you bought a place that was beyond your ability to pay without the financial support of someone else.
2/ You may (or may not) have a degree that allows you to earn a pitiful wage. What did you major in?
You are where you are because of the choices you’ve made. No one forced them on you. You could have chosen to live in a city that was more affordable. You could have chosen to live within your means. You could have chosen an educational path that could lead to a more profitable career.
If you feel like crap, nevermind. Just tell yourself that you are just being judgmental on yourself and the feeling will pass.
If I were you I’d get a room mate. Its nice that you had your mom to live with and theres nothing wrong with that when something bad happens. Its not like you didn’t try. I think the point of this article is for people who do not even try. You tried, stuff went bad, get your ducks in a row and prepare to try again. Us women have to get out there and take care of ourselves unless we always want to be in the shadow of a man or our parents. You will feel much better once you make it. At 36K with a room mate you would do find. I’m a single mom and made 49K until I got fired from my job after 7 years (last month) It took me 17 years to get to get to this and now I have to spend likely the next 6 months looking for another one…luckily my tax return will help me get through my lease and the first thing I did when I got fired was moved someone in to help pay rent (a 22 year old whose out on his own for the first time. He is paying me $300 a month is isn’t much in terms of my entire rent but its a lot for him). Get back on the horse and you will be better off for it.
If you are in America, I completely agree with this article. Those of you who don’t must have lived with your parents forever or are letting your kids do it now. Honestly there are VERY LITTLE excuses to live with your parents as an adult. Has anyone heard of the words “hard work” and “struggle”. Hard work and struggle doesn’t mean you get to have the top credit score or you are not living on noodles for a while. But people don’t want to do that because like the article says, they don’t have a pair. I’m a female and I was a single mom at 19. My family was poor and there was no way I was living with my parents beyond when I had to. I moved out at 18 as soon as I could. So I got pregnant early, so I couldn’t go to college right away or buy a home, so what. At least I can say I didn’t run from my responsibilities and I didn’t make them anyone else’s problem. I worked in fast food, two jobs, whatever I had to do and I am finally graduating with my bachelors in a few months with my now 13 year old. I can completely agree with this article never having lived with my parents after 18 because my boyfriend moved out of his parents house at the age of 32 about 4 years ago and this has caused me nothing but trouble. Had I known he was living with his parents this would have been a different story, but of course I didn’t put two and two together until well into our first year of being pretty happy together. 4 years later I find that its hard for me to respect his opinions on how I should live my life when he has a total of 4 years experience as being an adult. I’m sorry people, but being an adult means exactly what the article said and that is knowing you might be living in your car if you can’t make your bills. Until you have that real issue, you are not an adult.
So my now 37 year old boyfriend is obsessed with money. He saved and saved and did side jobs for computers while living with his parents. Its hard to listen to the stories that he was always sleeping in and nerding out on guitar forums when I had real adult struggles I was dealing with. Its very hard to relate to a person who just doesn’t get that. He makes good money actually and has a ton saved, yet dies to spend any cash. I understand thats why he can save in the first place but it blows my mind that he really thinks the entire reason he has saved a lot of money is because he is just so great with money. I can’t understand how he doesn’t know that everyone else knows that its mainly because he didn’t have to pay to live somewhere till he was 32. Meanwhile in the real world the rest of us worked crap jobs and spend all our money just to get by. Anyway my point is that, go ahead and live with your parents until you are in your 30s. Any hard working women is going to have a problem with it. I’m not certain I can sit around and wait for him to grow up. I’ve been in the real world 3 times as long as him. We might as well have a large age gap. And my favorite is how is judges me because I don’t have a ton of money saved. Not that I wasn’t married and my divorce didn’t hurt me financially. Don’t live with your parents forever and if you do, find a girl that did the same. The first red flag is not being able to tell a girl you live with your parents and her finding out the hard way. Seriously selfish jerk move.
Hmm… I think your ignorant, and WHY do you care who lives with their parents still? Your one of those nosy busy bodies nobody liked in high school I bet. First off you should mind your own business because you don’t know people’s financial situations, and secondly you must be that stupid if you think someone should move out on their own so other people will “respect” them or whatever your stupid article read; how insecure are you? And to the person above me, your “right”…..not! Its more responsible to live in your car with a child if that be the case than to live under your parents roof while you get back on track?! How foolish are you. And how are people that live at home, not responsible?? I think the poster of this blog is a dumb jerk, and the people who agree that anybody who lives at home is somewhat a lesser species, your also stupid, stop judging and look in your own backyard because I bet there are a lot of issues there.
I have one question for people who say living with your parents is one way or another pathetic: Why do you care what other people do?? In my family (just citing my own example) the people who left the “homestead” of their parents, my grandparents (so these are my aunts and uncles) were less responsible and had hearts of stone when it came time for my said grandparents to be taken care of. Whereas the members who stayed at home turned out much more responsible taking care of their parents, and actually having hearts. Again each case is special, but who are any of you to judge what other people do (living at home) and how they live their life, just mind your own business.
And that is exactly why at 24 im financially free, can pick up and move for my careeer to get ahead at anytime, while you are still paying off your fucking undergrad student loans in your rat infested apt, so a guy can “pump and dump” you. If you were atrractive, he wouldn’t care if you lived at home, but I guess you’re not….
I’m a 28 year old guy living with my parents and my younger brother, and I really don’t understand why is that such a big problem?
First of all, I’m from Serbia, a country that has “official” unemployment rate of around 25%, and we all know that unofficial rate tends to be a bit larger. So, around 1/3 of population is unemployed. That being said, one will probably ask a question “how do these people make their living through a month?” To be honest, I don’t know exactly, but I can tell from my experience, which includes a lot of money borrowing and being part of this “gray economy” which has been around pretty much as long as I have been alive. It also involves a lot of “sponsoring” from some family members that have make their way in The West. Of course this also includes a lot of people living with their parents well into their 20s, or even 30s, not because of the irresponsibility, or laziness, but because there are NO JOBS! Now, I’m not talking about well payed jobs, the ones that will allow you to travel somewhere during your summer or winter holiday, or the ones that will allow you to buy a new car every 5 years, or even the ones that will allow you to buy certain gadgets like plasma TV, laptop, camera, etc. from time to time, no, I’m talking about “pure survival” coverage, the ones that will allow you to pay your rent, utilities and food, three basic things. I’m not even throwing in things like clothing, transportation costs and occasional going out for a dinner, or a movie, etc.
So, when getting a job, that covers only these three basic things, is something labeled as “tough mission” you can pretty much get a clearer picture of what’s going on in my country. Having a job that covers these three things and allows you a certain level of “luxury” spending is considered a jack pot. Not to mention that, like in any other post-communist country, corruption level is high as f**k, and also very evident in almost any area, or segment of every day life. Nobody gives a f**k about your education, or your past experience. You can usually get a job via three ways: a) being related to somebody, or knowing somebody that already works in a company, also known as “nepotism” (it also helps if you are a member of the ruling party); b) by “paying” few $k (excuse me, euros) for your job under the table (and I believe this is called a corruption); or, c) by really being a f**king expert in the field you’re working in, meaning that you have nailed pretty much every educational institution from the beginning of your school age. Again, don’t get me wrong, occasional jobs for us “regular people” pop up, and somehow we make living possible.
When it comes to being responsible, again, what the f**k are you people talking about? Responsible about what? Paying your bills? Hey, provide me with a job, or should I say, a regular paycheck (because, get this, monthly salary in certain companies, in certain countries, tend to be few months late and there is nothing you can do about it) and I will pay the damn rent and bills. Cooking for yourself? Again, provide me with some job/money and no problem, if my everyday meal is going to consist of eggs and potato I’m perfectly fine with that. Wash your own clothes, clean up after yourself? Jesus, we are pretty much talking about taking care of your personal hygiene, which if you haven’t “mastered” by the age of 15-20, the chances are that you probably won’t master at any other point in your life. Starting a family? Becoming dad/mam, husband/wife? Again people, stop connecting responsibility with marriage and parenthood. It is something that is individual choice, and that is of personal concern, and nobody should be pressured or stigmatized for not having any stable or serious relationship, not to mention any kids… I would rather call irresponsible certain people who live on sand and stones for lunch, and pump out kids every year up to the number 15, plus being aware that their kids will have the same destiny.
Now, for the very end let me say a few words about myself. I stopped my education after high school because financial situation in my family was kaput, but I will probably enter the college this year, paying for it from my own pocket. As of work experience I had, it goes from manual labor (working with a shovel, ax, broom, mop, you name it), serving drinks and food (working for a beautiful Carnival Cruise Lines, which pays some of its workers as low as 2$/h), doing some editing and production for local TV station, to being part of a virtual assistance team (my current position), so for me a job is a job, I don’t have these emotional problems attached to it, whether it’s embarrassment, or “this is not my calling”, etc. you got to do what you got to do, FACT.
But even though, I’m still unable to move out of my parents house, because the costs of life and the average salary in my country are as distant as the stars, forcing young adults to stay at their homes a bit longer. It has nothing to do with responsibility, it is the current situation in pretty much the whole world.
you are fucking retarted
ya i know he is
poop on your face
emach that us
emach that is
emach is a dumbass hahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahha
Emach is an epic failure as a human being. Obviously taking great pleasure in the pain, shortcomings, and disabilities of others, Emach seems void of the very thing that makes a human being worthwhile; a soul. Betting that since it’s been a few years since the original post, several things have changed. 1) Lost home, moved in with parents, severed own balls with dull spoon. 2) Wife ditched him for some super hot communal hippie with superior sexual skills. 3) Made babies; one ADHD, one severely autistic, and one born with spina bifida (which Emach still doesn’t believe is real, as the kid is clearly too lazy to walk and cares little about his/her posture).
This entire article is disgusting. You have absolutely NO idea what you are talking about.
Moving out as soon as possible and running up massive debt just to live alone is a stupid idea.
living on your own does not make your balls grow. it just makes you a loner with a house, and a massive mortgage that you will have to pay, on your own, for MANY MANY YEARS.
Fucking Americans.
Reading Comprehension Fail
I’ll assume it’s because you’re a foreigner and English is not your first language, otherwise I’d have to assume you’re a troll.
I really didn’t bother to read most of those lengthy comments. The bottom line is that is the truth. I am a 46-y-o woman divorced 5 years after 15 years of marriage. I have endured many devastating incidents during my singlehood and being the only one to provide for myself but not once did I consider moving back in with my parents (I would rather have a razor blade enema). I had a ridiculously expensive apartment and once I lost a job and I went straight to the manager and explained my situation and they worked with my until I found new job, which I did quickly! I am fortunate to have a very good profession and high paying career but if I didn’t, my ass would be working 2-3 jobs and living according to what I could! That is called being a mature adult! Simple. Period. The end. Only the most extreme of situations could move me in with my parents and even illness and disability would not be one. They would be in a nursing home and my ass would be there every single day making sure they were taken care of!
Emach is one ignorant, condescending, stupid, puny-minded, sub-human, judgmental little prick who needs a VERY brutal lesson in respecting others.
Just because YOU think it’s best to move away from folks does NOT mean it’s best to everyone. Stop forcing your standards on other people.
Take for example Asia. In Indian culture, Indians are attached to parents. Family ties and bonds are so close, closer than what you’re ever capable of. They don’t want their parents to suffer in old age with no one to help them, they want to help them as the parents did when they were young. THAT’s responsibility. I guess family values mean nothing to your worthless self.
Every one comes from a different background. Some cultures allow thier young adults to live with their immediate family(parents) until marriage. In some cultures family is an extremely important value in their heritage.
I do agree with everyone should leave the nest and be independent. That time or age might be different for some people. Situations also play a huge role. Today rent is expensive and might as well save money to buy a great home.
I do agree 30 is the maximum age to live with your parents. If an adult does not have the goal to move out and become Independent there are defenitly some issues that need to addressed.
For me it’s the exact opposite. I have my own place with a parent living with me. You’d be surprised how many people think it’s the same thing. Newsflash: It aint. The mortgage is your responsibility now, the bills are in your name and you now have to clean up after yourself or face living in a shithole.
Even more annoying are the one’s that act like they’re so cool because they can afford the best of everything. They dress like they’re too cool for school, unfortunately they’re also too cool for their own digs and paying their own utilities. Perhaps this is because if they did move out of home and start paying their own way in life they wouldn’t be able to afford all that cool shit they show off – Cue: twitter, instagram, facebook and every other social media site douchebags like to brag about they’re so-called “epic coolness” on. Oh yeah and don’t get me started on those who supposedly live at home still because they’re “family people” like some goody-two-shoes Brady Bunch logic. People grow up, they get jobs and they move out of home to start their own lives and, if they so choose, families.
We can make exceptions for those caring for parents or those who have a disability, or even those young adults who are trying to gain further education. It is, however, a lot different when you see fully functioning adults approaching and even getting past their 30′s still living at home. It begs the question: “Just how much of a cop-out is this person and why are they so afraid to take the responsibilities that come with living in the adult world?”
As some other commenters, and the author himself, have already mentioned, these arguments won’t work for every culture. I am 28 and my parents have recently retired and feel lonely now. So I need to move out of the city (NYC) and find a bigger place to support them. But it’s unfortunate that people here in US see it as weird.
First of all, my username says it all. Second of all, I was an epic fail in my twenties. Now, I housed it for my parents and they are here for a quarter of the year. Yes, I do feel like an epic fail. Thank you for reinforcing that with this post.
Housed=house sit. And…I am 37 years old. Pretty
Much disaster and single forever. I’ll take it. I’ve given up!!
the fact that emach created and kept up with responses for so long is kinda proof he both has somthing to prove and has no life. also yes, in real life if he spoke his obviously elitest comments to most people in real life he’d either get knocked out, ignored, laughfed at, or verbaly chastised. i hate to break it to you but the fact is that your going to end up just like all the other “failers” as you would call them, and that is dead. your opinions your thoughts, your memory, and everything els about you will be erased from this world and all the pitiful souls who knew you will to expire and it will be as if you never existed here in this oh so dull world. But to be honest i really do hope you fail just as the “failures” you seem ton consistantly speek of so you can to be called a loser by others, and yes living in your car because you lost everything and are to proud to ask others for help as you seem to prefer is still considered and epic fail. wheather you live at home with your parents at 40 or get fired and have to live in a homelss shelter, its still a fail one way or another. Sadly this can happen to anyone, somthing you seem to fail to recognize. Anyway ill admit verily that i am a failure in just about every respect of the world. Its true, it would be a lie to state anything els. i work full time and dont make enuf to live very long in the outside world. for better or for worse im finished, just waiting until the joyouse day im either killed, die natrually, or do it myself. What annoys me however is people like you who think they are so much better then others, those with an undeserved supiriority complex. Sigh, to be honest i really hope you A-die, B-get beat up to a bloody pulp after telling the wrong person your thoughts on the world, or B-die (i know i said it twice). hahaha but it really doesnt matter because hey, your going to most likly die at some point in your pathetic existance one way or another so i suppose can take solace in that. Alas, though you may one day persih im sure many others will take your place on the throne of arogant, ignorant wretches but i suppose it cant be helped. Hmmm, oh, yeah sorry if i ofended or seemed so, its not really my intention…
You’re a fucking asshole. You would never say that to my face. That’s because you’re a faceless coward. We have freewill to a point but some of us have harder life circumstances. Maybe the person who lives with his parents got into legal and financial trouble. You absolutely are closed-minded and IGNORANT. I am in my 30s and I am not doing well financially but at least I’m respectful to others. The truth is that I AM a winner.
Laziness? Is that what it is? You’re a fucking coward. Your parents probably bought you everything. Some of us live with our parents because they’re in a bad situation and desperately trying to get out of it. Meanwhile, you lucked out and got a great career. You kick people when they’re down and you use the catchphrase of a teenage girl: “Epic Fail”. Congratulations on your career but realize that people aren’t judged by money or the “hot” girls they sleep with. They’re judged by their character.
I dont want to be an “alpha male”. I can kill an alpha male with my bare hands.
You are a bully and a coward
Please don’t be personally offended. The author of this article was in my opinion seeking out attention and he won because he got plenty of that. Unfortunately there exists immature close minded people in their early twenties who are unable to visualise how others live as a direct result to a lifetime of being spoilt by their parents and never thought the value of earning something themselves through hard work! Emach is in the great minority with his beliefs so don’t allow him to frustrate or upset you. If you do and you make it known to him you’re eating from the palm of his hand…
You’re an entitled asshole.